Russ's Ravings: Time To Defund The Arts In Schools

Editor's note: The following is Patch Field Editor Russ Crespolini's, hopefully, weekly column. It is reflective of his opinion alone.

I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you take the recorder back, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you and I will whine at you.

For those of you who haven't figured it out by now, I am not serious about defunding the arts like my headline says but in fact I am incredibly frustrated by the fact that my daughter's music teacher sent her home from school...with a recorder.

Unfamiliar with this sonic pain stick? Well, it is little plastic piece of garbage that looks like a flute but essentially is only capable of producing screeching and squeaking sounds that somehow trigger both my sciatica and tension headaches all at once.

These things are difficult to manage in normal times. When you could leave your house, or go off screaming into the night or go to a variety of other things to distract from said recorder. But these aren't normal times, are they? So I say it again, this teacher sent home a recorder.

During a pandemic.
When we're all stuck in the house.
For the winter.

And for those of you not shaking in terror at the thought of off-key "Hot Cross Buns" you are an inhuman monster.

But in all seriousness I can't for the life of me understand what this woman was thinking. And don't you readers start defending her.

"The arts are vital for a child!"
"Music is so important."

Well I don't want to hear it. All I know is, my house isn't big enough for me to escape it and believe me I tried. My office is in the basement of my 100-year-old colonial and the sound still finds me.

When I first groused about this on social media, an acquaintance said to be more understanding because the poor teacher had to deal with all 40 students playing the malignant melody maker.

False!

She has a mute button. She can blissfully go about her lesson completely oblivious to the disaster she has wrought upon these poor, beleaguered families.

I know I am also going to hear such nonsense as "she has a curriculum to follow."

Well I certainly have seen plenty of modifications during this pandemic made by necessity. Some of my daughter's virtual gym classes have been YouTube videos of stretching. For 40 minutes. So don't tell me that some accommodation can't be made for parents who are holding on by a thread and don't understand why the hell math is different...

Ahem.

My point, besides venting, is to commiserate for those of you out there who are dealing with their own version of the recorder showing up in the backpack.

Every year the holidays ratchet up the stress and this year it is going to be even worse. Some of us are reaching their saturation point. I want you all to know this is a safe space to vent those petty things driving you crazy.

Many, many of my readers email me their thoughts after my columns, so you can do that or drop them in the comments to share. We will all get through this together.

And if anyone knows the temperature needed to melt a recorder into slag, let me know.

Russ Crespolini is a Field Editor for Patch Media, adjunct professor and college newspaper advisor. His columns have won awards from the National Newspaper Association and the New Jersey Press Association.

He writes them in hopes of connecting with readers and engaging with them. And because it is cheaper than therapy. He can be reached at russ.crespolini@patch.com