Russ's Ravings: Transgender Chat With An Eight-Year-Old

Editor's note: The following is Patch Field Editor Russ Crespolini's, hopefully, weekly column. It is reflective of his opinion alone.

This column is going to make people angry.

I know because my column about boys toys and girls toys at McDonalds agitated a lot of people. Some people called me a jerk for making it an issue. Others questioned my fitness as a parent. Some made it political.

One guy even bet me his kids would be more well-adjusted than mine.

But just as many passionately agreed with the sentiments expressed. And that is what a good column does. It engages you, it entices you and it makes you react. React in an age when we're numb and desensitized.

I used to say, when I ran a print newsroom, when editions came out if half my phone calls were hate messages and the other half were praise messages we had done our jobs. The worst were the days of silence. That meant, to me, what we were doing hadn't landed.

So this column is going to upset some, I know. I only ask that those who feel compelled to respond, and I hope that is a lot of you, limit their criticism to me.

My eight-year-old and I were in the car the other day discussing the musical "Hairspray" which she had recently seen. She was asking specifically about the character of Edna, who is a woman traditionally played by a man in drag. She was trying to get to the bottom of a man in drag or a man who identifies as a woman.

In our lives, we know several people in various stages of transition. In our family, we do not treat this as abnormal or an aberration. We treat it as if it is like anything else. Each person gets treated on a case by case basis.

Here is a replay of our conversation:

My kid: Edna is supposed to be a girl though, right?

Me: Yup.

My kid: So it isn't like someone else who wants to be a girl?

Me: You mean like a transgender person?

My kid: Yeah. Trans. I am not sure what that means.

Me: Basically some people might be born boys but just feel they should be girls and want to be girls. And some people are born girls and feel they should be boys and want to be boys. So they decide to make a change.

My kid: Sometimes I feel like I should be a boy because I like more boys things, I think. Like sports.

Me: Oh, I don't know if that is the case. While you might like some things that are traditionally more "boy" oriented you like a ton of things that boys and girls like and things that just girls like too. The only thing that matters is that you are you. Whatever you like, do it. Being a boy or girl should never be a part of that decision.

My kid: So if I wanted to be a boy?

Me: I wouldn't care at all. Because you are still you. As long as you are still you, you can be a boy or a girl it doesn't matter to me. You are my beautiful little girl and I love you but if you want to be a boy then you would be my beautiful little boy and I would love you just as much.

My kid: I don't think I want to be a boy. I don't want to deal with that dangly thing...

What can I say, she's funny.

But I wrote this today not just to upset the pearl-clutchers who are calling DYFYS on me now. I wrote this because it occurred to me afterward we are in a society now where the concept of gender identification has been filtered down to elementary school.

And before you tell me it is because of electronic devices and a lack of prayer in schools let me stop you. My daughter has extremely limited access to a tablet and only watches age appropriate content on streaming services.

These concepts are just now part of our culture, and we need to, as parents, be able to speak intelligently on the subject. These formative years are crucial, and the last thing we want to do is come down on a side of intolerance and increase the levels of anxiety and depression among our youth.

The CDC said that we have a mental health crisis here in New Jersey. And one of the things we can do is to do our part to be as inclusive as we can to as many people as we can. Treat everyone as more than the sum of their personal choices.

The sooner we all get on board with that, and not try to impose our own worldview on others, the better off we will all be.

Russ Crespolini is a Field Editor for Patch Media, adjunct professor and college newspaper advisor. His columns have won awards from the National Newspaper Association and the New Jersey Press Association.

He writes them in hopes of connecting with readers and engaging with them. And because it is cheaper than therapy. He can be reached at russ.crespolini@patch.com