Avoid New Jersey's 3 Largest Cities In A Zombie Outbreak, Study Says

NEW JERSEY — What would your survival odds be in the event of a zombie outbreak? Hear us out, New Jersey … it's not as dumb of a question as you think.

Earlier this week, Lawn Love, a yard care company that operates nationwide, released its 2023 list of “Best Cities for Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse.” See the full list and learn about its methodology here.

The study included the three largest cities in New Jersey, which each ranked among the most “un-survivable” in the nation when it comes to zombies: Newark, Jersey City and Paterson.

Before settling into this year’s list, here are a few quick points that might be worth noting. Yes, this IS a tongue-in-cheek report (we are fairly certain that zombies do not exist). And yes, we ARE covering other news in New Jersey (you can read some of it here).

That being said, envisioning a zombie apocalypse raises some interesting questions about real estate development, population growth, health care, food access, gun rights, infrastructure and other crucial issues affecting the Garden State (see what we mean below).

Lawn Love has previously noted that its annual list was inspired by the now-retired CDC “Zombie Preparedness 101” guide, another kidding-but-not-kidding study that was so unexpectedly popular, it crashed the federal agency's website in 2011.

The CDC launched its zombie campaign with the aim of teaching people how to survive real emergencies, in addition to a fictitious undead outbreak. Tips included having emergency kits in your home, forming common emergency plans for family and friends, and having an evacuation route at the ready.

The CDC isn’t the only federal agency that has used zombies as a creative way to test out real-world emergency planning. In 2009, trainees with the U.S. Department of Defense drafted CONPLAN 8888, a strategy to help the U.S. military deal with a possible zombie outbreak. Intended to teach junior military officers how to plan for a national emergency without revealing any classified information or creating a political misunderstanding if mistakenly leaked, CONPLAN 888 proved to be a surprisingly useful training tool, a disclaimer in the declassified document says.

NEW JERSEY, ZOMBIES AND OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF

Lawn Love’s 2023 list compared 200 of the largest U.S. cities based on five categories: “Vulnerability, Hideouts, Supplies, Protection, and Mobility.”

The top five most survivable cities in order were Houston, New York City, San Antonio, Miami and Los Angeles. The least survivable city? Miramar, Florida.

“Residents of NYC and L.A. might have larger zombie populations to fight off, but they also have the best access to survival supplies and escape routes,” the study noted.

A common link among the least-survivable cities? They lack access to businesses that offer “survival essentials,” including supermarkets, pharmacies and outdoor gear shops.

The three New Jersey cities large enough to make the cut each scored poorly:

• Jersey City – 184th
• Newark – 185th
• Paterson – 197th

VULNERABILITY

Each New Jersey city was considered extremely “vulnerable,” with Paterson dead-last on the list, Newark ranking 192nd and Jersey City ranking 193rd among the 200 cities. That category considered factors such as population density, physical inactivity rate, the share of population in “bad health,” military base access, natural hazards, and hospitals/urgent care clinics per square mile.

Although New Jersey is home to some large military installations – such as the Picatinny Arsenal, which is one of the largest employers in the state’s 11th Congressional District – its heavy population density would likely be a big challenge if the zombies start rising.

• See Related: Newark Is Still New Jersey's Largest City – Here's Why It Matters
• See Related: 'Young And Rich' People Are Flocking To New Jersey, Study Says

The state has some of the nation’s best hospitals. In addition, New Jersey is ranked 10th in the country for health and wellness, according to a recent study – although high cholesterol and air pollution are issues. Read More: Here Is NJ's Health, Wellness Rank In New Study

However, many New Jersey residents continue to struggle with access to health care, with many being forced to turn to online crowdfunding to pay their medical bills. Read More: Meet 10 NJ Families Who Had To Crowdfund For Health Care

HIDEOUTS

The three New Jersey cities ranked much better when it comes to having good “hideouts,” the study said. Newark cleared the median mark at the 96th spot, with Paterson ranking 100th and Jersey City ranking 164th.

That category considered the number of homes with basements (ie: “bunkers”), homes with complete kitchens and plumbing, and the overall “off-grid lifestyle-friendliness” of the state.

Basements are declining in popularity, but are still common in homes in the Northeast and Midwest, the study noted.

While basements may provide a good hideout from zombies, they also present a problem in normal, day-to-day life: flooding. It’s a perennial issue in New Jersey, which saw widespread devastation and damage to basements across the state during Hurricane Ida in 2021. Read More: 1 Year Later, Ida's Devastation Still Grips New Jersey

Under a new law passed earlier this year – which was conditionally vetoed and later signed by Gov. Phil Murphy – landlords and property sellers in New Jersey now have to tell prospective buyers if the home they’re offering has a history of flooding, flood risk, or is located in a flood zone or area. Read More: NJ Homebuyers, Renters Deserve To Know About Flood Risks, Senator Says

SUPPLIES

The three New Jersey cities on the list also come up short for “supplies,” the study claims. This category focused on the number of supermarkets, convenience stores, shopping centers, pharmacies and hardware stores.

Jersey City ranked 167th among the 200 cities, with Paterson hitting the 177th spot and Newark ranking 181st.

The New Jersey Economic Development Authority recently estimated that there are 1.5 million Garden State residents living in a “food desert,” where there is a chronic struggle to find healthy eating options. There were about 9.29 million people living in New Jersey as of the 2020 Census.

The communities on the list are all facing a different combination of problems. Some lack enough healthy options at local supermarkets. Others are plagued by an oversaturation of fast food restaurants. And some simply don't have any way for people without cars to get to the grocery store in the first place, advocates say.

• See Related: NJ Has 1.5 Million People Living In 'Food Deserts,' Officials Say

One thing that New Jersey does have in its favor when it comes to “supplies” – which the Lawn Love study may have overlooked – is the rising number of warehouses within its borders … although those also come with their own set of headaches.

• See Related: NJ Town Looks For Improved State Law On Warehouse Development
• See Related: New Jersey Warehouse Workers Say Their Jobs Are 'Unsafe, Grueling'

PROTECTION

Perhaps unsurprisingly for a state known for its super-strict gun control laws – which some praise and others detest – New Jersey’s three cities each ranked extremely low when it comes to “protection.” That category is based on the number of gun and ammo stores, hunting/outdoor gear stores, shooting ranges and firearm training facilities in the area.

Jersey City ranked 189th for “protection,” Newark ranked 199th and Paterson once again finished at the bottom on the list.

The flip side to the coin? New Jersey’s gun control laws were cited as a major factor behind another study’s decision to name the state as the “safest” in the nation when it comes to violent crime. Read More: NJ Is 'Safest' State In Nation For Violent Crime, New Study Says

• See Related: Controversial NJ Gun Law Slapped Down In Court
• See Related: NJ Cardinal Asks Gun Owners To 'Set Aside' 2nd Amendment Rights

MOBILITY

New Jersey’s three largest cities made up some ground when it comes to “mobility,” the study noted. This category included a city’s “walk score,” friendliness to bicycle riders and hikers, the number of campsites in the region, and access to key infrastructure sites such as ports, marinas, helipads and airports.

Jersey City ranked 100th on Lawn Love’s list, with Newark ranking 118th and Paterson ranking 160th.

Having one of the East Coast’s busiest airports and seaports apparently wasn’t enough to lift Newark above the median when it comes to zombie preparedness, although it has had a much more positive effect on the region’s economy and job creation.

• See Related: Hiring Ramps Up At Newark Airport Ahead Of $2.7 Billion Project

The issue of walkability and bike-friendliness has also been on the minds of residents and officials in New Jersey’s largest city, which recently launched an e-scooter/bikeshare program and is embarking on a potential sweeping series of changes to its zoning laws.

• See Related: E-Scooters, Bikeshare Are Here To Stay In Newark, Mayor Says
• See Related: Ball Rolling Again On Proposed Zoning Changes In Newark
• See Related: Newark Is Among 'Best Places To Live Without A Car,' Report Says

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