Let's face it, nothing can put a damper on your vacation like ending up in jail for murder. Oh come on! Don't say you never thought of it! That presumptive biddy who has to try just a taste of everything on your plate... the couple who've decided you're their new best friend, and follow you everywhere -- everywhere! ... and Buddy, go ahead -- slap me on the back and yell "Hola Compadre!" one more time! One more time! I dare you!
We've all been there. Whether it's a group trip with strangers you wish you'd never met, or a family getaway that reminds you why you haven't seen Uncle Bob in ten years... you just have to deal with it in the most polite and effective way possible.
Who should you watch out for when planning your travels? And what to do when your only recourse seems to be a brick to the head?
For some advice from a seasoned traveler, read on...
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5 Bad Travel Companions (And How to Deal With Them)
Nothing for me, thanks, I'll just have some of what she's having
Some people have no sense of "personal space". They scarf the last scallop from your plate, they lean over your dessert with a "You gonna finish that?" look, they even sip from your wine glass, smacking their lips and rolling their eyes to the heavens. But then they say "Here, try mine!" So it's ok, right? Right?!
Ummm... NO!
In some societies, such behavior would result in the loss of a digit and a hospital visit. But we're polite. We mark our space with words. Try "It does look delicious, doesn't it! Here, let me order you your own -- oh Garcon! " Just be sure it's not added to your bill.
I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today
Don't you love moochers? It's bad enough when it's the guy at the office who seems to always forget his wallet. At least you know where to find him next week. But now you're in a foreign land, on a limited budget, and it's even harder to keep track of money that looks funny. As James Bond says, "Once is circumstance, twice is happenstance, three times is enemy action." So make allowances. We all slip up from time to time. But if it happens again, be clear: "I'll help you out once more, but please don't expect this in the future. I would hate for you to have to wash dishes for your dinner." After that, a simple but stern "I'm sorry, but no" will suffice. Don't explain, don't offer excuses. Heck, you don't even need to say "I'm sorry". But you're polite, so you will. That's why you find yourself in these situations!
You voted for who?!
There's a reason why your mom told you never discuss politics or religion. And if you're traveling with strangers, you can add to that list baseball teams, food additives and vaccines, and your weird uncle's theories about the Kennedy assassination and our "faked" moon landing. There's an old saying: "Never wrestle with a pig. You'll just get muddy and the pig will enjoy it". So when taboo topics come up, the smart thing to do is lead the conversation in another direction. Never engage the overly-opinionated. You're not going to change their mind, they're not going to change yours, so why put a damper on a good time?
You can deflect an uncomfortable question with a simple "Oh, I'm not political," or "I never follow baseball." But better yet, take the lead. "Gosh, that was some election, wasn't it? It rained so hard that day, like a hurricane! Do you have hurricanes where you live? Really?! Well do you live near the water?" Hopefully your table mates will chime in with their own storm stories and voila! you're on to a new, safe topic!
And at dinner tomorrow, arrange to sit at the other end of the table.
There must be a McDonalds somewhere...
And while we're at the dinner table... Some travelers are so set in their ways that you wonder why they bother to leave home in the first place. No restaurant is right, no dish undissed, no bistro left unspurned. Kimchi? Isn't that the Korean guy who wants to bomb us? Ratatouille?! If I can't pronounce it I ain't eating it! All they want is a burger and fries -- and none of those frites y'all keep talking about!
Let's face it, the problem probably goes back to childhood when their mom let them get away with never trying new foods. You're not going to change them now, so don't let them ruin your epicurean ecstasy. And hey, you might even persuade them to try just a bite of something new. Go ahead and lie -- tell them it tastes just like chicken! That always worked for my mom.
You like me! You really like me!
No matter how much you love companionship, sometimes you just want to be by yourself. And some people just can't take a hint. All the same, this is one situation where I can't bring myself to be too snarky.
Consider the possibilities... that loyal friend tailing your travels is probably just very, very lonely. Perhaps she's a widow, overseas alone for the first time. Or a middle-aged bachelor finally breaking free of his shell. Whatever the reason, first be flattered! Mr. or Ms. Lonelyhearts could have latched on to anyone in sight. They chose you!
But second... no. You are not required to indulge their every social want and whim. When a pattern of undue attachment becomes obvious, it's time to speak up. Be polite, be understanding, but be vocal. "We're headed to the park for a little 'us' time with some cheese and wine. But we would love to hear how your afternoon went once we return!" Or perhaps, "We so enjoy your company, but we feel we monopolize your time, and we hate depriving others in the group of your wit and wisdom." Say your piece, perhaps with a pat on the arm, then turn with a "See you later" and be off. You may feel like a cad, but in fact you'll be doing them a favor. And trust me, you'll be doing yourself a favor as well.
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So there you go! Oh -- one last bit of advice if nothing above works: Keep the phone number of the American Embassy handy. They'll want to know where you're imprisoned.
Until next week!
