A Garment

One of the first things I learned was fear.

I learned it quite well.

It was my silent shadow throughout childhood, and adolescence and began to fade ever so slightly the year I was 19,

The gossamer coat that wrapped me in its grip was invisible to most, and a secret I shared with none,

In earlier years, my Father (a/k/a The Magician,) caught a glimpse of the intruder into his daughter’s life and did all humanly possible to destroy the monster.

However, for reasons beyond his control its insidious presence had been secured far earlier than he recognized.

Years later when our beloved President FDR said:

“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself,” his words of wisdom were quoted often by my loving parent.

Unfortuately, others in our complicated household were also tightly wrapped in its grip and the shared tentacles continued to reach out and embrace me.

Fear lost its power slowly when I met my beloved, ironically on a NY subway station,

It fought bravely, but could not compete with the power of the love that embraced me for the next 57 years of our shared life.

The morning he was called home, after serving his maker well in this world, tiny threads of the gossamer cloak appeared again.

This morning as I linger over a lukewarm cup of coffee, I an awaiting another covid 19 test and listening without energy to the TV.

Although I feel quite well, I was exposed to the virus again earlier this week.

Now I also fear the subtle return of the equally destructive emotion I had conquered so long ago.

I wonder which aspect of the invisible garment is strongest?

Is it, Covid, or maybe the potential nuclear evil instigated by Putin or most likely, the escalating senseless killings?

I notice the ongoing futile and senseless political wrangling also serves to tighten the cloak’s weave.

Suddenly, I realize they all merge to form the grim gray hue of the aged cloak that reflects neither light nor hope.

Then I seem to hear a voice (or perhaps two voices) suggesting it is finally time to discard the worn limp gray garment and replace it with one woven of hope, love, and yes, common sense, sewn together with the strongest weapon of all,

Belief.

And once again I am freed from the grasp of the gossamer cloak of fear.