Hopes, Expectations and

I’ve finally finished unpacking

After all it’s been a year and a half now, and I am relatively tidy (despite what the Fabulous Four might tell you.)

So, yes, the scarves and the sweaters have long been since sorted and tucked into drawers. The walk in closet has shelves holding hats, and gloves and ah, yes, the most necessary item of all, boots.

But that didn’t complete my task, although I believed it had.

No, I still hadn’t dealt with the expectations, anticipations and hopes I had flung into my carry on at the last moment before relinquishing the weathered house key to the new owner.

Rather I submerged them tucked between the wallet, credit cards and cell phone and kept forgetting they remained there hidden from sight.

A good analyst could explain that motivation better than I. However my theory is that I wasn’t ready emotionally to handle unpacking totally. I needed more time.

I couldn’t admit some of the hopes were futile. And that a few of the remote dreams might come true. My expectations were unrealistic, but if I had relinquished them earlier it may have been emotionally devastating.

So perhaps there was wisdom in delaying all the unpacking.

Everyone predicted it would not be a simple transition. Still I denied it. Perhaps I believed wearing the veil of pretense would make my desired reality occur. I don’t really understand my reasoning because it wasn’t a conscious choice.

I can only admit it wasn’t as easy as I pretended. Nor as difficult as others feared.

My expectations were relatively valid with the exception of the brutal winters. That, admittedly, is something I had not anticipated.

My hopes, ah, that is a different story. I hoped for something different, yet I am thrilled with what has occurred. The reality is far different than I anticipated, but admittedly, equally joyous. My Sunday gentleman caller has filled my heart with his welcome, and that was far beyond any scope of my dreams. The impetus for writing more has also been an unanticipated pleasure.

Still, the absence of lifetime friends while anticipated is far more difficult. The camaraderie learned only with years of friendship is almost impossible to replace. At least so it seems. I may be surprised in time to come.

So perhaps the unpacking should be postponed just a bit longer. After all it has only been a year and a half since I moved from what was then home and now just a lovely memory.

And also because when I began to unpack these final items, I found another small parcel that had already popped open and it was called peace. And I knew I need not hurry any more.