The Mirror

Forgiveness, Such a simple word, almost fluid on the tongue.

And yet, while easy to utter, unbelievably difficult to remember.

Not always in reality, but rather the never relinquished episodes of cruelty and pain, and yes, so difficult to eradicate.

As the days and hours accumulate, I keep trying, not only to abandon the embraced moments, but also, comprehend causes.

Admittedly, I am finding that it is an ongoing challenge,

They were three generations of the female species, Was it Shakespeare who called them “The deadliest of the species?”

It no longer matters and is unnecessarily frivolous to clutter up my memory because I am determined to not only finally understand but to forgive,

I hope perhaps in understanding I will finally focus on compassion and find the ability to relinquish the scars of pain I believe each inflicted.

Although they never knew each other, indeed the three were sisters under the skin.

And perhaps the common core they shared was their own pain, their own desperate need that emerged as what I once perceived as cruelty.

I hope I have found the scope of comprehension to realize all were related by loss, nothing more.

The first abandoned her family as a young woman naively finding what she hoped to be salvation with a young admirer. He not only gave her twelve children within 14 years, robbing her body and mind of health, but also, inflicted years of alcohol abuse on their family.

The second was orphaned before her teen years had ended, and left with the care of a younger sibling, The spouse she found was caring, but more than a decade older. I now wonder if she ever really knew or tasted the joys of youth and always craved to share others.

And finally as I find courage to view from a distance, I begin to absorb both their pain. Then I start to feel fragments of understanding.

As I wonder if the third woman, could be me, not deliberately vindictive, or cruel, but rather, so self absorbed and isolated that she, too, became unseeing of other’s needs or hopes and possibly dreams.

And I question if I am really looking in a mirror and possibly the one to be forgiven?