No Reluctance To

As the days grow shorter, and seem longer, I think of many things.

My memories return to the mundane, the sprinkling of companionship that sometimes didn’t exist with fellow travelers.

I remember the kindness and yes, some of the demands on friendship that were troubling.

I wonder then.

What would I change if I could?

And that truly opens the Pandora’s Box of choices and decisions.

I immediately know I would never change any encounters with all the beautiful human beings I have been blessed to meet.

And that includes those who disapproved, criticized or to be utterly truthful, disliked me.

They each and everyone played a part in who I am today.

The first who made her disdain obvious of a querulous whiny child was my Maternal Grandmother. The elderly fragile woman who had borne twelve of her own children had no patience with a heavily indulged grandchild. She rapidly taught me to stop weeping, at least in public.

My courageous and uncompromising Mother didn’t outwardly criticize her husband’s pride and joy, their oldest child. However, she was acutely aware of her daughter’s inclination toward weakness. Her vocal commands mandated that the timid youngster at least pretend to show strength. I quickly learned to submerge the fears where nobody could see.

Both of these women, unknowingly provided me with the ability to cope with the total rejection from another woman who also loved my beloved, his Mother.

The lessons they taught earlier in life became my lifeline of strength.

Half a century later as the autumn wind begins to whistle an ode to winter, I suddenly confront the truth.

All three women, who disapproved, criticized and truly disliked me, played an intricate part in how I cope with today’s challenges.

And while I remember the oft quoted words of Sigmund Freud, “There is no such thing as an accident,” I might add, “Nor reluctance to admit, I needed the lessons they taught.”