A Reason

I’ve gone home, just to visit of course,

But it was lovely and comforting and oh, It felt so good to be back.

A devoted and kind young friend had offered to bring me “home” for one last time before I relocated to another state several years ago

To her surprise (and possibly mine, too) I refused.

I suddenly realized that “All those I once knew and loved are no longer there,” and only the vibrant memories of days gone by survived.

So I said “Thank you, but I can’t do it, Jackie,” and that was six years ago.

I don’t really know what caused the impetus on this Ash Wednesday of 2022 to return, but it became a nagging emotion that seemed to grow stronger as the traditional Lenten season approached.

I knew it was impossible for many and varied reasons, (primarily age and Covid) so I did the next best thing.

I resorted to U-Tube and with a few brief instructions from my ever reliable Daughter, I returned to the Church of St. Paul, the Apostle in NYC for Mass.

The magnificent edifice where I received the Sacraments and knelt in prayer is intact.

Although there no longer are familiar faces in the beautiful pews, the vibrant memory of others returned with me.

As I briefly closed my eyes and listened, the powerful sermon seemed familiar.

When the traditional music resounded, I remembered joining long lost friends at the beautiful altar on their wedding days and

Then I gazed at the seat where I wept at a somber funeral for my beloved Dad (The Magician) and

yes,

I prayed for all those I have loved and who loved me. I also said prayers for those that didn’t and still don’t.

Before the liturgy ended, once more I gave thanks for the youthful petitions that were answered, but then I also remembered a few that weren’t.

Much later in life after I had been granted blessings I never dared to dream about, I finally began to understand.

There was a reason to leave so long ago, but also, a reason to return today.

And again, a need to give thanks for so much and so many.