As The Road

I had not planned to share my thoughts, feelings, or beliefs.

I saw no need.

Obviously, the role model whose career, thoughts and opinions I have eagerly anticipated each Sunday, had a different viewpoint,

Unlike the author of the widely circulated words I read this morning, I am neither famous nor accomplished.

Her vocabulary is voluminous; mine is sparse.

Her words evoke magic; mine become repetitious.

But I have been a fan since she first hit print,

Yet today after reading her column, I dare to raise a sword of disagreement not as a criticism, but a caution from one who has savored her diverse opinions.

Because, I wondered:

“Why?”.

Although our worlds are vastly different, in one sense, we are alike.

We both profess to be Catholic,

Obviously, my unsolicited opinion is bound to cause controversy, and yes, disapproval and possibly, ridicule.

Is it necessary despite the obvious nonobservance of treasured liturgy?

I have been accused of avoiding conflict at any cost, and I reluctantly, admit that is a valid interpretation of my code of belief.

So the question persisted throughout the early hours as I drained my cup of coffee:

“Why?”

I even wondered if my unsolicited opinion had hidden political overtones.

That was until I quietly remembered my own First Holy Communion Day, quite long ago.

It wasn’t attended by a large fawning family group.

Rather only my two parents.

Dad had arranged to take two hours off from work, committing to remain later that evening working in the automotive shop he once owned but lost in the stock market crash of 1929.

Mom sat alongside him in their customary wooden pew in the vast St. Paul the Apostle Church located on the fringe of Hells Kitchen.

Even while watching her oldest child receive the Eucharist, Anna King Donlon was unable to forget the compelling need to reach her parents’ home as soon as possible and care for her ailing Mother.

Mass concluded as the famed Paulist Choir sang the last verse of “Oh Lord, I am not worthy.”

Standing in the vestibule of the magnificent edifice with my other first grade classmates, I listened to their excited plans for family parties later in the morning.

I was six and still naive enough to question my Mother.

Leaving the church, I asked why we were not celebrating.

My Mother angrily answered,

“Because your Grandmother is sick, and we’re late now.’

“Nana King is waiting for us to help her get washed and dressed.”

“Our family doesn’t have parties.”

As we literally ran down 9th Avenue to my Grandparents’ tenement on 47th Street, I tried not to drop the massive bouquet of calla lilies (a gift from Uncle Joe) on the famed sidewalks of New York.

While I have never forgotten those minuscule details, the one thing that stands out primarily is the belief a six year old accepted unquestionably on an early morning in the month of May.

I knew I was receiving my God.

There was never a doubt in my mind then as a child.

Nor decades later as I aged, have any arisen.

Admittedly, there are and were countless problems that I pray about.

Also, questions I ask.

Still none have slowed my complete belief in the validity of the doctrine I embraced as a child.

So today when I sit fragile and old, and the fringe of a raging controversy is erupting, I have chosen which side to embrace.

While I admit I walk the line of uncertainty as to when the fetus truly becomes life, I know that I am not willing to discard the rigidity of my Faith.

I still accept the unchanging rules I embraced the first morning I received the Host.

Although not always succeeding, I have attempted to observe them in the decades that followed..

I must confess it hasn’t been easy.

I was saddened by the Pope’s negativity on birth control in 1959.

And yes, there have been many and other temptations to reject the edicts of the Vicar of Christ..

Eventually, I realized that either I accept all or none if I choose to profess myself a member of the Faithful.

Thus I did and still do.

Our President and all the other outspoken politicians ,who profess to being Catholic, have been given the gift of free will.

They, too, have made choices, that come with a price.

Inevitably, life teaches everyone that reality.

If public figures, including the noted NYT columnist, publicly profess belief in the religion we share, they will either quietly observe and abide by the fundamental precept we chose to accept

OR

when they disagree, then they must move forward.and let their conscience be their guide.

I cannot or chose not to believe, either conflicting belief should be publicly or privately condemned. That serves no legitimate purpose and ignores the concept of God given free will and will only prolong the agony of conflict.

Let us all follow our conscience and

God be with us all as the road unwinds.