One comfortable summer evening not so long ago I arrived, late as usual, to a friend’s barbecue. The kids were out of the pool already, some dashing to and fro in the well lit yard, the adults sitting in a circle drinking wine, beer and whatever. I accepted an offer for a soft-drink; declining the invitation to grab a bite from the buffet, now back inside the house.
As I sat down, I noticed a woman to my right who was seated with her back slightly to me. She was fixing her nail polish, and carefully comparing the color on her fingers to the color on her toes. The slight breeze gently tossed her dark-blond hair away from her pretty face to reveal a warm, welcoming smile; the kind of infectious expression that demands your attention. The whole person, the sun dress, the light on her face, the smile, the focus on her body by virtue of her self-manicure was, frankly, quite attractive. So was her manner.
She was funny, smart and sarcastic, but not in an obnoxious way… the kind of person you like to repartee and match wits and one-liners with. Quite a package she was; even a bit mysterious.
Late of Brooklyn, then a Florida resident, she was in the New York area for a few weeks visiting her sister who along with her husband are friends of mine. I spent some time with this interesting, attractive woman, and got to know her a little bit. She was deeply religious, loved her children to death and had not had an easy life up until that point. She was divorced, and dealing with the kinds of relationship issues that all middle aged singles seem to deal with. I also inferred from some of the things she said, and from others since, that she did not have an easy childhood.
Well, I thought she was special, gifted with depth and warmth, if not somewhat troubled. She was also giving and affectionate. I stayed in some contact with her when she went home. In case you are wondering, she expressed a clear and unambiguous aversion to long term relationships. As for me, I thought she would have been worth the air miles.
At any rate, our contact drifted apart and I would get various reports from her family about how she was doing etc. Not so long ago, I heard that she was gravely ill. Most recently, I was informed that she had died.
To the point, I really don’t know, but the early death of this beautiful, clever woman may have been accelerated by a life style owing to her wounded soul, a soul injured many years before. In her passing, I can’t help but think of the countless numbers of parents, particularly men, who treat their daughters indifferently, or who downright abandon them. The world is full of women damaged by men, fathers and relatives, who were supposed nurture and love them. Somehow, many girls get by. But so many others are doomed to failed relationships, personality disorders and other dysfunctional behavior. We men have to do a better job.
When I think of my brief friendship with the subject of this piece, I cannot help but think of my daughter and granddaughter, and how important it is that they be loved and feel accepted in this hard world. As for my friend, it is clear from Facebook posts and other facts I have learned that she was much loved by her children, family and friends, and had some fun along the way. I am glad for that. But I am saddened that she died so young from, perhaps, a preventable illness begun a long time ago. I am also saddened, that she seems not to have gotten another shot at love, a life tonic if ever there was one.
This Fathers Day, if not before, give your daughters and granddaughters an extra hug for her. Do it, also for your own progeny, it will do more to give them a long happy life than all the vitamins and good food you can feed them.
