Is It Time to Go?

Recently at Parents Place, the topic of toilet training came up in our parent group. After the group ended, I was reflecting on my own experiences over 30 years ago, back when I was a mom of four little ones.

I remember my first daughter was “trained” by 18 months. This was after much pressure from my mother-in-law, who insisted that all her children were trained by that age. But looking back, I realize that I was the one who was trained, not my daughter. I knew her toilet habits so well and I learned to “read” her body cues to know just when she had to go.  For example, she would start to get a bit more busy and wiggly, and then I would put her on her potty chair and she would go. 

Fast forward 20 something years and, to my surprise, I found out about “Natural Toilet Training,” a method that actually starts at birth. Parents don’t ever put diapers on the baby; instead, they read the baby’s body cues and hold them over a “potty” when the child has to eliminate, even infants.  If you want to read more about this check out   The Diaper Free Baby  by Christine Gross-Loh.

When my daughter was two, the twins came.  I thought, “Hey, I did this once fairly well. I can do it again!”  I am sure you are thinking, “With three children who had enough time to ‘read body cues’ and catch them in time to put them on the toilet?”  Well, not me!

I started the boys at 18 months and, by the time my fourth was born 8 months later, I did manage to get them to move their bowels on the toilet. But they were constantly wet.  Yes, wet, because another thing my mother-in-law told me was, “Once you take the diapers off never put them back on because you will confuse the child.”

The twins were three before I could say they were trained.  But, she was right they weren’t confused!  Some parents now opt for the “pull up” as an in-between from diapers to underpants.  Of course, this is a personal choice;  but speaking from experience,  I would say that if you have the time don’t use them. Stick with the undies as much as you can. Children can feel when they have had an “accident,” and it reinforces the concept that we go on the toilet not in our pants. 

I think our fourth child trained herself, because I don’t remember thinking, “It’s time to train Sarah!” By then, though, everyday was a bit of a blur!

I do agree with the current trend to pay attention to the cues your child gives you.  I was pressured to push my children but, in reality, they all trained at their own pace. Children will tell you when they are ready. Some clues are that your child:

• Isn’t taking a bottle during the night.
• Stays dry for longer periods of time.
• Makes bowel movements around the same time each day.
• Is curious about the “potty” and wants to watch you go.
• Dislikes being wet/soiled and tells you to change his/her diaper.

Watch for “How To” suggestions in Part 2 of this blog.

Donna Morrison is an seasoned mom, grandma and early childhood expert.  She currently serves as the Director of Early Childhood Programs for The Guidance Center of Westchester. June is National Potty Training Awareness Month. 

Visit us to learn more about our programs and services.