2 College Friends Battle Cancer: 'Her Strength Got Me Through'

NORTH FORK, NY — When Trisha Poole of Mattituck and Keri Stromski were in a college sorority years ago, their days were filled with fun and laughter, music and memories. Years later, they reconnected — not knowing at the time that they'd one day share a battle with breast cancer and find inspiration and hope in their lifetime friendship.

Stromski was diagnosed four years ago with Stage 4 metastic breast cancer and has spoken honestly about the experience and the dire need for funding for Stage 4 research — not T-shirts that say "Save the Ta-Tas" or pink trinkets.

Metastatic cancer means the cancer has spread beyond the breast and lymph nodes to other organs in the body.

In January, Poole, Keri's friend, was diagnosed with Stage 3 triple negative breast cancer and has since undergone chemotherapy, surgery and 25 rounds of radiation.

Hearing of Poole's story, Darla Doorhy of Mattituck, who lost her daughter Kaitlyn when she was hit by a car while away at college, decided she wanted to help. To that end, she organized a raffle, "Crystals for A Cause — Benefitting Trisha Poole" which is taking place now online; winners will be drawn on October 15 at 7 p.m. via Zoom.

Doorhy and Kathy Liguori of Cutchogue organized the raffle ticket sale to win "bundles of bling", including pieces of Touchstone of Swarovski jewelry.

All of the proceeds will benefit Poole, Doorhy said. Poole, she added, is a "Mattituck resident who gives her heart and soul to her family and the community. A mom, wife, aunt, a friend battling breast cancer. We chose her because she is an amazing individual with a huge heart who is dealing with a huge setback. Together we can assist her to lift her spirits to get over this hurdle she is facing and beat the odds."

But the chain of love continued: Poole said she will not keep the proceeds, but instead, wants to donate them to her former sorority sister's oncologist, to be used for critical, life-saving research.

'There were days, especially when I was going through chemotherapy, when I felt horrible and I wanted to lie in bed all day. Then I'd ask myself: 'What would Keri do?'

Poole, 45, a licensed massage therapist with Stony Brook Southampton Hospital, lives in Mattituck with her husband Gerard; the couple shares two boys, 21 and 19.

In January, she found a hard, pea-sized lump during a self-exam. She made an appointment to see her ob-gyn. "She did the exam and said, 'You need to have this looked at right away,'" Poole said.

Poole's mother had been diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer in the past and just a few weeks ago, hit the five-year mark at which a person is considered cancer free and in remission. "You can breathe after those five years," Poole said.

Even when she was told she could go to Memorial Sloan-Kettering for a consultation, Poole said the reality didn't set in, at first. "It honestly really didn't even hit me, until a month ago when I was going through radiation," Poole said.

Poole was told that she needed to see a breast specialist on February 12. "On Thursday, I called Memorial Sloan Kettering and it just so happened they had a cancellation on Friday. Valentine's Day," she said. "So that was our date. And we never really do anything on Valentine's Day. That was the first time we were doing something together on Valentine's Day — we'll never forget it," she laughed.

Telling her story, Poole is able to laugh, to remain upbeat. And it's that trademark positivity, as well as a deep and abiding faith, that she said have carried her through. Lifted her up through that mammogram and ultrasound, when a radiologist came and she knew that she'd be facing one of the greatest challenges of her life.

Throughout the first weeks, it was the thought of her college friend Keri — knowing what she has faced, while still teaching kindergarten full-time and caring for her husband and three children — that kept her spirits buoyed, Poole said.

"Knowing all that Keri has gone through, and her strength — that was really what got me, and my husband through those first weeks. Knowing Keri, and knowing how strong she is, my husband said he knew this journey was going to be hard, but he was also able to have hope, because of Keri. I looked to Keri, and to her inspiration, and knew I was going to be okay," Poole said. "She has a really strong faith and I do, too."

Next came the months of chemotherapy, followed by surgery, and then, 25 rounds of radiation, which began on August 25 and ended this week.

From the first diagnosis, Poole said she's been determined. "I said, 'Okay, I'm onboard with whatever you want me to do, whatever you need me to do, whatever I need to do,'" she said. "Attitude, positivity, and hope are such a huge part of all of this. It really, truly does make a difference," Poole said. "That, and prayer. I really feel God is helping me to get through this. And I believe it's because of God that there are people like Keri."

Poole has found God's presence in the fact that there was a cancellation at Sloan Kettering when she needed one, and also, that she was able to have the same oncologist and surgeon who helped her mother.

When Doorhy contacted Poole, she was touched, she said. "It really means a lot that someone wants to do something to help," Poole said. "But I also felt really strongly that I didn't want the proceeds to go to me, directly. It was so important to me that any proceeds raised go to research — and to research that will help Keri, my friend, my sorority sister. Somebody who, from Day 1, helped me and my husband through this."

She and Keri talk often, Poole said. "We say, 'Oh, my gosh, who would have thought years ago that when we were in the sorority that now, we would have reconnected and be going through this?"

Poole watches Stromski's TikTok videos, sees her friend dancing at chemo, and laughing, even on the most difficult of days. She laughs, too, and finds hope in her friend's eyes and bright smile.

Now, after radiation, Poole has a few weeks before she begins a regime of Xeloda, an oral form of chemotherapy, for six months.

Despite her cheery disposition and ready laughter, Poole acknowledges that the journey has been not been easy. "I have days where I think, 'It's so hard,' and I just want to cry," she said. For a long time, she said, she just knew she had to keep moving forward. "You put your head in the sand and you just push through and you try not to think about things too much. I stay out of my head because if I get into my head and stay there for too long, it's not good."

Other days, she said, she finds her way forward with humor. "There were days, especially when I was going through chemotherapy, when I felt horrible and I wanted to lie in bed all day. Then I would see one of Keri's Facebook posts that made me laugh, and I'd ask myself, 'What would Keri do?' And I knew it sure as hell wouldn't be lying in bed."

So, even though she was exhausted and did take naps, she would make sure she didn't spend all day in bed, Poole said. "I would drag myself out of bed and I would pray. I would pull myself together and keep busy cooking something, or doing normal things around the house."

Being slammed with a breast cancer diagnosis days before the coronavirus lockdown was another daunting challenge, Poole said.

"The hardest part of going through this during the pandemic was not being able to see people," she said. "I'm really close to my family. Not being able to hug my family was really hard. Not being able to see friends, not seeing family, it was hard."

Now, feeling the love of friends coming together to help, Poole said: "We're all really lucky to live in this community because everybody is so willing to help other people. It's huge. It just makes me feel good."

And donating the money back for research, Poole said, means everything to her. "It's not just that it's research, it's research for Keri's oncologist. This research will directly benefit Keri and Keri is so important to me and has been so important to me, such an inspiration to me. She really helped my husband and I get through this. Even though I've told her several times, I don't know if she'll every really know how much she's helped, not just me, but him, too. She is an inspiration of hope, of strength — and her faith is huge."

To be able to help Dr. Stopeck and others, too, through the research, Poole said, "is a win, win, win. I'm the kind of person, I don't like the attention on me. I like to help other people."

The raffle, Poole said, reminds her that despite all the challenges in the world today, "there is still a lot of good. Yes, it's a really hard journey and there are good days and really bad days. But I have more good days, because I think my positivity has helped me get through a lot. There are so many crappy things about cancer, but there are also so many positive things that are coming out of this."

Speaking of her longtime friend, Stromski said: "I've known Trish since we were in the Phi Sigma Sigma sorority at SUNY Cortland. We reconnected a few years ago and I was thrilled to find out she married Jerry, who I also knew for years. She became a light for me and was so supportive during the past four years."

She was shocked, Stromski said, when Poole called her right after COVID started and told her the news.

"But she said also that because I had been so open and honest, she wasn’t as scared. I’ve been on 11 different types of chemotherapy and was able to give her tips. I shared wigs, and we also shared laughs," Stromski said. "She truly is one of the most giving, brave, loving, kind people I know."

Stromski said she was so happy that Doorhy chose to do something for Trish.

"Darla is also a force of nature when it comes to helping people," she said, adding, "I wasn’t surprised when she said Trish wanted to donate the proceeds to my oncologist. That’s just who Trish is.It’s so hard to accept help when you are so used to being the one who gives it, but by accepting help, you help others feel good about themselves, and raise the energy and feelings of everyone around you. But then she took the help others gave and raised it up to another level — and is now using the funds to help countless other women who will someday be in her situation. Strangers. Because that’s who she is."

Large cancer organizations focus on awareness, but funding is critically needed for research, Stromksi said. "I think by now that everyone is well aware that mammograms find cancer — but mammograms don’t cure cancer. Research is what is needed to someday find a cure for Stage 4, the only stage that kills. Instead of buying pink shirts or boas or car magnets, I wish people would instead donate directly to research, 100 percent."

METAvivor is a national organization that does that, Stromski said, adding that she also supports the North Fork Breast Health Coalition because they give grants directly to local women to help with the costs associated with cancer.

Stromski herself has done much to raise funds for Dr. Stopeck's research.

"I found out last year that my oncologist has a research fund and we raised $11,000 last October through a taco truck fundraiser with Lucharitos, a spaghetti dinner at Jeni’s in Southold that Trish helped with, and a GoFundMe campaign. $11,000 right to research. Amazing. Now?
Trish is making a real difference and donating directly to a researcher with this fundraiser, as well. Dr. Stopeck is brilliant, and is always looking to find ways to help those affected by breast cancer. I’m so blessed that all of those years ago a decision to start a sorority has years later brought about a donation to help save lives. God bless Trish."

Doorhy said the raffle was born out of the goodness in Liguori's heart. "It's a beautiful story," she said.

Liguori, a Touchstone Swarovski consultant came to her house with $500 to $600 worth of jewelry to donate to Doorhy, with an eye toward giving back.

Liguori told Doorhy she has seen the charitable efforts Doorhy puts forth to help those in the community facing challenges in honor of her daughter.

The Facebook raffle, so far, Doorhy said, has raised more than $1,300, and is still going strong.

But what makes the story even more special, Doorhy said, is that Poole wants to, in turn, donate the proceeds to Dr. Alison Stopeck, Stromski's physician, for research.

"This is a story about a beautiful, selfless person, giving back to someone else with cancer," Doorhy said.

Poole, Doorhy said, is a "good soul," who's always the first to donate her time and efforts to help. "She just has heart," she said.

As for Liguori, selling Touchstone Crystal by Swarovski came after she retired from her work running childcare centers and as an advocate for childcare providers.

She and her husband Lou found their second home on the North Fork and when she embarked upon her journey with jewelry, Liguori said she saw the new stint not as a means of making money for herself, but to earn funds that she could use to help others. "I want to use it as a vehicle to give back and lift others up, to make them feel beautiful," she said.

Liguori, who receives free pieces through her positions, donates them for good.

Liguori met Doorhy through a man she had known for years, a man she introduced to her best friend from middle school. The pair clicked and found love; in their honor and to celebrate that joy, Liguori gave Doorhy a bracelet to auction off in their names at a recent fundraiser.

Speaking about the joy of helping others in the community, the chain of love that connects so many on the North Fork, Liguori said, "The ripple effect is profound. I think the ripple effect of this raffle event is to going to have a positive impact on others that we don't even know yet. We'll never know the impact we have on others by doing something good."

She added: "A friend of mine, Debi Silber, said to me, 'When a group of like-minded women who are emotionally, physically, spiritually and mentally strong come together, there is no force more powerful. And that's the people that are coming together to participate in this raffle."

To participate in the raffle, Venmo @kathy-liguori or @darladoorhy in advance. The goal is to sell as many tickets as possible before October 15 at 7 p.m. when the winners will be drawn.

Those who refer/bring a friend to join the raffle will be entered to win an extra piece of "sparkle", Doorhy and Liguori said.

To participate in the online "Crystals for a Cause" raffle, click here.

To donate to Dr. Stopeck's fund directly, click here. Click "change" and enter "Alison Stopeck Research Fund." Then enter gift amount and click "Add to cart." For mail in donations, click here. Or mail checks directly to:

Terri L. Quinn
Director of Special Events and Cause Marketing
Stony Brook Cancer Center
Lauterbur Dr.
Hospital Pavilion, L5, RM 5W-511
Stony Brook, NY 11794-7263.