Help, Clothing Desperately Needed For Man Battling Brain Tumor

GREENPORT, NY — A man well-loved on the North Fork for his performances every year in the Northeast Stage's "Shakespeare In The Park" productions in Greenport is now facing a real-life drama that's led to a devastating health and financial crisis.

Kevin Monsell was in a car crash last November; while in the hospital, doctors discovered a brain tumor.

And now, in addition to daunting physical challenges, the reality of living with sudden and devastating illness has dealt a crushing financial blow to Monsell and his wife Cathy, who is also disabled.

Her husband is in dire need of clothing, Cathy said; she turned to Facebook this week to ask friends if they could possibly donate men's pajamas, jeans, shorts, T shirts, and a light jacket.

Her husband, she said, wears size "large" T-shirts, between size 36" to 38" jeans, length 29", or possibly, 30" length. He needs summer shorts and size "large" pajamas.

"It's just so hard and expensive to keep Kevin clothed. And, unfortunately, we don't have the money to afford it, now that Kevin is retired from his job with Suffolk County Department of IT Services," she said.

Her husband, Cathy said, is originally from Mattituck and her family lives in Greenport; she grew up in Orient but the couple moved to Moriches as a midpoint between his office and their families.

Since the car accident, on the night before Thanksgiving, and then, the life-altering diagnosis, his wife of 23 years said there have been strides — Kevin's tumor is getting smaller.

The tumor, she said, is large, the size of a plum, inoperable, and in the deep right hemisphere of his brain called the thalamus.

Financial challenges continue to escalate. Kevin, she said, had to retire, after working for the county for more than 30 years.

"He didn't want to retire but to have a medical issue like this come along and turn your world upside down — it's been really hard."

Kevin, she said, can no longer drive. "He can't do most things used to do before," she said.

That's why it's a gift beyond measure that her husband was selected, after an audition, to perform a small role in the Northeast Stage's upcoming summer performance of "Much Ado About Nothing."

Cathy said director James Pritchard has been wonderful, assuring that Kevin will be seated during his scene. "He's really visually and physically impaired and can't get around very easily now."

The kindness and love has emanated from his theater community since his diagnosis; A fundraiser was held earlier this year for Monsell, where he was able to deliver a moving performance of the "Player King" speech from Hamlet among his fellow thespians and friends.

Cathy showed the video to Kevin's radiation oncologist, who was deeply moved by his work. Theater, Cathy said, has helped her husband to endure radiation. "That speech was what he went through in his head as he had his radiation treatment. That's the way he rehearsed."

The promise of a role in the show has meant everything to her husband, Cathy said. "He’s had everything taken away from. His job, his ability to drive, what he did in his life before this happened. Everything has caved in and the only thing he has left is theater. I just wanted him to have some part in it."

The couple met through mutual friends in 1993, Cathy said. "We've been together ever since that day."

But his diagnosis has caused a seismic shift in their daily life. "I'm disabled — but Kevin is more disabled than I am, now," she said.

Her husband, who spent years as an office systems analyst, had just gotten out of work and was heading out to do some Thanksgiving Eve errands when he was in the car accident; once at the hospital, a CT scan led to the discovery of the brain tumor.

"The floor dropped out of my world," she said. "It was devastating. And it still is."

For years, Kevin was a steadfast partner, doing all the things that Cathy's disability kept her from being able to do.

"I still need the things that Kevin did for me before the accident," she said. "Kevin took care of me. I still need him to — but he can't. And we have no help."

With no children, the couple has had some help from family members, but they don't live close enough for daily assistance, which is desperately needed as her husband undergoes chemotherapy.

Chores, including cleaning, laundry, trash, and grocery shopping, are now an overwhelming challenge. "He used to do it all. Everything that we both needed, he did for both of us," Cathy said. "I am overtaxed beyond my limits. I need help. We can't afford to pay for things. I don't know how we'll be able to continue to live where we're living."

Cathy, disabled since 2007, suffers from psoroiatic arthritis and ankylosing spondylitis, an inflammation in the spine that causes severe pain; the autoimmune disease leads to a fusing of the spine, she said.

"I've been in pain for years and years," she said.

And now, her husband's illness has proven the tipping point into despair and panic. "I'm in pain all the time. I can't handle the stress of trying to pay bills, because we don't have the money. We can't afford to live here much longer."

If they were forced to leave their home, they'd have to move in with her family in a home too small for them to even have a bedroom, she said. While they are waiting for word on disability, as it stands, the lack of a steady paycheck has caused chaos in lives already wracked with fear. "I don't even like to open the mail," she said.

The worry, Cathy said, is crippling, a blanket of fear that envelops, especially in the dark of night. "I can't sleep," she said. "I don't sleep at night." Tracking her sleep, she said, "Last night, I only had an hour and thirty minutes of quality sleep. I can't take the stress — and I have no one to help me. I have no one to take the stress from me."

Her voice filled with tears, Cathy painted a heartbreaking picture of a life those who've been hit with a shattering illness are forced to endure, with emotions including embarrassment and shame at having to ask for help; fear and ever-present worry; and most of all, deep sorrow for her beloved husband — all creating a tidal wave of despair.

"When I say, 'I'm begging,' on Facebook, for clothing for Kevin, I'm really begging — we really do need clothing for Kevin," she said.

Her husband only has two pairs of pajama, two pairs of jeans, and two pairs of sweatpants. "He has no clothing. It's all way too big for him."

The fear is that the clothing that swims on him now will cause him to trip and fall, she said; safety is a critical concern. "That's something we have to worry about all the time."

Her husband has fallen, more than once. "I've had to get him off the floor a few times and I couldn't do it again. I'm in too much pain," she said.

The full weight of their day to day survival rests on her shoulders, Cathy said, and the reality overwhelms, when she's been faced with her own medical issues since birth. "I'm only one person. My every waking thought is, 'Is he all right?' I'm under so much stress. I can't handle this alone."

Fate has dealt a cruel blow to the couple, all agree. "My mom keeps saying, 'Why Kevin? Why him? He's the nicest man, the kindest man ever. Why him?'" Cathy said. Her voice breaking, she added, "He didn't ask for this. He never did anything wrong in his life. Why was this thrown at us? Every day is such a horrible struggle."

While a GoFundMe was created, donations have stopped coming, Cathy said. "We had to live on that money but we haven't gotten anything in quite a long time."

But despite the fact that the months have passed since the accident, the need hasn't stopped — in fact, long-term illness has only led to a mounting pile of bills that just can't be paid.

And Cathy doesn't know where to turn.

"It's scary," she said. "I feel so alone. I don't know what to do. He didn't do anything to deserve this."

In the GoFundMe Cathy said that Kevin is unsteady on his feet, and has serious vision impairment due to the brain tumor. Kevin's doctor at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in Commack "told us that this tumor is 'life-limiting', even with treatment," she said.

Another physician told the couple that Kevin "has 15 months to live," she said. "We definitely don't want to believe that, but we were told that it's probable. The doctor said that 50 percent of people who have this kind of tumor can do better with treatment and that 50 percent do worse even with treatment, but that this cancer cannot be destroyed or cured. As you might imagine, this has turned our world and lives upside down and shaken up like a half-broken snow globe," Cathy said.

She added, "We hate to ask you for financial help, but under these circumstances, Kevin and I don't really have a choice. Anything that you can do will be a tremendous help."

To donate to the GoFundMe, click here.

To deliver clothing to Kevin, bring clothing to Cathy's parents' house at 224 Knapp Place, Greenport, NY 11944, or to the Monsells' home at 63 Long Tree Lane, Apt. 3, Moriches, NY 11955.

Patch photo courtesy Cathy Monsell.

Photo courtesy GoFundMe.