When Hearts Are Broken: Remembering A Friend

MATTITUCK, NY — As a reporter in a community as tightly knit and close as the North Fork, we're writing every day about people who become so much more than just stories or assignments. They become heroes, warriors, role models — friends.

Cathy Russo and I met briefly over the years through our children. Her beautiful daughter Marissa and my son Billy performed together in summer shows at the North Fork Community Theatre. What I first learned, before I'd even met her, was what a wonderful mother Cathy was. Her daughter, at my house for one of gatherings my son loved to host, smiled that bright smile and, in a conversation I'll always remember, spoke of her mother, telling me how caring she was and how close they were. This was a girl who was completely loved and adored by her parents, I remember thinking.

Then, when Marissa went off to London to study, her friends and family followed her journey on social media; but her posts were most illuminated with love when her beloved parents, Cathy and Dan, came to visit. This was a family closely bound by love and so much devotion, by smiles and hugs and laughter.

But it wasn't until a Relay for Life event that Cathy and I bonded, forever forged by our shared journey. She spoke, so beautifully, about her journey with colon cancer — the same cancer my mother, who died at 53, had faced.

Cathy spoke about losing her own mother to colon cancer and about the feathers she'd find, signs from her mom, reminders that love does, truly, live forever.

Cathy and I had walked that same path, losing our moms and yet, continuing to carry that love they'd showered us with in our hearts as we mothered our own beloved children.

Then Cathy, an ardent Broadway fan, spoke about "Godspell," a show that Marissa had performed in, and the song "Day By Day," lyrics and music that touched her and reflected her approach to living with, and battling, her cancer.

After she spoke, I was crying. "Godspell" had been my mother's show, and mine. We saw "Godspell" together 12 times on Broadway. It was our best memory. When she lay dying in the heat of an August summer, my mother told me that no matter what happened in my life, I should still go to see "Godspell," whenever I could find a production, even without her.

For me, when Cathy spoke about "Godspell," that was my sign, that my mother was still with me, still loving me — a sign that her cancer had not won.

Cathy and I, we cried that night and we hugged. I talked about my mom and she told me about hers. We talked about our kids, as moms do. She told me how grateful that she was to have been able to see her girl graduate from college, that cancer had not stolen that moment from her.

She told me how blessed she was, to be able to continue to fight. And she spoke with deep sorrow about Mattituck's Kaitlyn Doorhy, who'd died tragically in an accident at college. She was heartbroken that Kaitlyn's life was taken so soon. Cathy never stopped supporting the Doorhys, always a smiling face and strong support at Kait's Angels events, loving her friends through the darkest days they'd ever face.

Then, as new friends do, we made plans to have lunch. Echoed those plans when we saw each other again at Kait's memorial service last summer.

Cathy and I never got to have that lunch we'd planned. But I cheered as I saw, on social media, that she lived every minute of the rest of her life, seeing "Hamilton" with her daughter, spending time with her family, living every single moment to its fullest.

It's hard to know what to say when someone who has touched your heart so deeply is suddenly gone. It hurts, and the tears flow, for a woman who was so loved by so many. But one thing is for certain: As her daughter Marissa wrote so beautifully, her mom won her battle with cancer. She told cancer flat out that she'd had enough of the pain and flew, free, to a place where she'll no longer suffer.

One thing I know for sure, too: That fierce love for her husband and for the daughter she cherished, it will live forever. And together, the North Fork community she loved so much will bond together to help them now, and always. Together. Day by day.

Visitation for Cathy Russo will be held Sunday from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m. at the Coster-Heppner Funeral Home, 32470 Main Road, Cutchogue. A funeral mass will take place Monday at 11 a.m. at Our Lady of Good Counsel Church, Main Road, Mattituck. Cremation will be private.

Patch photo by Lisa Finn.