'Kind And Generous' Long Island Man Remembered By Family, Friends

MOUNT SINAI, NY — Back in high school, Michael Joseph Berendowski was often seen in a football jersey and a backward sports cap when hanging out with friends.

And, he was a great friend, to a lot of people. He had a lot of friends — still has.

Mike was on Mount Sinai's football team and was a bit of a king on the turf. Nevertheless, he accepted anyone, no matter the clique they were in.

Cool kids, jocks, and nerds were all welcome at his home, which was "the place" to hang out after the school bell rang, or on weekends.

"He was always a kind and generous person," said his father, Joseph Berendowski. "He was the center of attention in high school."

Mike had "a good life" and he was "a happy kid." Then tragedy struck.

There was another part of him that not everyone knew of. Joseph does not want everyone to remember him for it — he wants Mike remembered in a positive light — but the grieving dad feels it is important to convey a message.

The 33-year-old was his only child, and he knew all the parts of him.

Mike had struggled on-and-off with drug addiction since his teens. He died when his pickup truck veered off the road and crashed on Griffin Avenue, near Canal Road, in Mount Sinai, the day before New Year's Eve.

It's a not a place that can ever be ignored by his father. Joseph has to drive by that spot every day.

He can't be certain how Mike died, but he knows his son had trouble sleeping; he had sleep apnea and was deprived of rest. It's possible Mike nodded off behind the wheel just before the crash, his father speculated.

Joseph is not only dealing with grief but also anger as he has questions about his son's death.

A spokesperson for the Suffolk police said that whether speed played a role in the crash or not was being investigated. They could not say if drugs or alcohol were considered as contributing factors.

The medical examiner's office declined comment on the cause of Mike's death, citing health privacy constraints. Final reports often take months to finalize.

Joseph said he did not want to make any assumptions as to what transpired before Mike's death.

If there is any lesson that comes from his son's death, Joseph wants it to be that no one should turn away a person struggling with addiction. If Mike had more accepting people in his life, it might have changed for the better, Joseph said.

When Mike was 16, his mother, Mary, with whom he was close, died of lung cancer at 54. Her death devastated the teen.

He loved her "terribly," Joseph recalled.

Before Mary's death, Mike had dabbled with what was then considered the gateway drug, marijuana, but then his use became more prevalent and went "up and up," Joseph said, adding that his son became mixed up with people who were not conducive to helping him with his inner demons.

"It wasn't him, it was the drugs," he said. "As a person, he was tremendous. He was always supportive. He was honest. He was always helpful; always considerate, but the drugs take you a different way."

Over the years, Joseph helped his son through both good and bad times.

They were a team.

The father and son pair lived in the same house since he was in high school, and they worked together in the family business providing linens to restaurants and catering halls.

"I'm sure if he was alive, he would tell you that," Joseph said.

The 72-year-old tried his best to help his son, but he feels he did not have enough support around him.

Joseph noted that when Mike first developed his addiction 20 years ago, it was a much different time in which people were shunned and those around them just walked away.

He urges against the practice.

"You have to deal with it," he said. "You have to turn toward that person and not be afraid."

Had Mike had more positive friends around him, he might be alive today, Joseph said.

"The structure would have developed, so he would have been able to deal with the demons inside him," he said.

Some good friends stuck with Mike though, but there weren't enough of them, Joseph said.

He guided Mike as much as he could, first giving him a job in his business.

"I said to him, 'Mike, you got to get up. You got to shower. You got to get a job and start a life,'" he said. "The thing just didn't work out. I needed more support and more people reaching out."

Joseph urged people not to just walk away from a family member or friend when they might need help.

"Give them a hand in some way," he said, adding that the person should be taken to an addiction center, a social worker, or a religious leader, like a Roman Catholic priest, for help.

"Surround that person with those type of people and we will have a better chance at winning the war on drugs," he said.

Joseph shared that he isn't really on good financial footing and needs help making arrangements for him.

Neighbor and longtime friend Claire Klein grew up knowing Mike and organized a GoFundMe fundraiser to collect $15,000 for his father to bury him. She hopes that anything raised beyond that will go to a yet-to-be picked drug and alcohol awareness program to help others struggling with addiction.

Klein described Mike as having a very big heart.

In a snowstorm last year, he has been walking out his door and saw her husband struggling to get a snowblower into his pickup truck, and he helped him out of the dilemma.

"He was so very kind and always put everyone before himself," she said.

Mike would ask Klein, who has several years sober, what it was like.

"He seemed very interested," she said.

So far, her page has raised over $5,000.

Another longtime friend, Andrew Tessler, who now lives out-of-state, remembered Mike as a kind-hearted person "deep down" and that "he should be remembered as that."

Weeks after Mike's death, tributes continued to pour in on Go Fund Me.

One woman wrote Joseph, telling him, "Joe, sending you love, prayers, and strength. I am thinking about Michael — all the wonderful memories that were made at West Meadow Beach."

A man sent his family's "deepest sympathy and prayers," adding, "Godspeed."

Yet another woman wrote how sad and sorry she was to hear about Berendowski’s death.

"He was a vibrant young man who I had the pleasure of spending much of my childhood with," she wrote. "Sending lots of love and healing vibes."

Joseph has subscribed himself to Mike being in a better place now with Mary.

He joked that she is probably beating the heck out of him for "doing what he did."

That said, since Mike's death, he's felt a sense of relief for him because any negativity surrounding him is gone.

Mike's funeral arrangements will remain private, restricted to invited friends and family only. A larger public service will be held in the future, Joseph said.

Joseph said it's hard for him to talk about his son's death, and he is just bracing to get through his funeral. He's been in contact with an old friend who lost a child to an overdose and is considering therapy.

"That might be a good idea because the nights are getting longer and longer," he said.

If Mike was still alive, Joseph said he would apologize and tell him that he would straighten out his life.

"I was the only one who would stick by him in thick and thin. I was a great father. He would tell me that a lot," Joseph said, his voice cracking.

Mike's addiction was too much for him.

"I just couldn't solve it."

For others, he said it important that they know addiction can be helped and that no one should ever give up on a person suffering.

"Instead of turning away, welcome them into your life," he said. "Don't turn away, like it's a plague."

Editor's Note: GoFundMe is a Patch promotional partner. Andrew Tessler is a freelance writer for Patch.