Young Man With Cerebral Palsy Finds Joy: 'It's Okay To Be Different'

NORTH FORK, NY — John Tardif, 24, of Cutchogue, cannot speak. Wheelchair bound for life, he has cerebral palsy, seizure disorder, and Schizencephaly, a rare congenital brain malformation.

And yet, despite the sometimes grim diagnoses he's faced since birth, his mother Shelly said, he is one of the happiest people she's ever known — beaming with joy and bringing happiness to all who know him.

John and his brother Joe are twins, born at 28 weeks in 1997. Joe weighed 1 lb., 13 ounces, and John, 2 lbs., 6 oz.

John, his mother said, was in the neonatal intensive care unit from November until the end of March. "He ended up having surgery and at that time, they told us so many horrible things — that in his life, nothing was going to be easy."

At nine months old, he was diagnosed with cerebral palsy and at eight years old, he began having severe seizures. And while his twin Joe has gone on to lead a normal life, shining in sports and now a physical education teacher at the school where he grew up, her son John has faced physical challenges.

Yet, while the years have held difficulties, the rewards have been immeasurable — and Tardif said she's blessed to live in a community that's welcomed her boy with wide, open arms and loving hearts.

This Saturday, the annual Kait's Angels Yard Sale — Kait's Angels was created to give back in memory of Kaitlyn Doorhy, who died after she was hit by a car while away at college in 2014 — will benefit John Tardif, as well as Tor Torkelsen of Southold. Torkelsen who has ALS, was in Norway when he needed emergency surgery for an abscess of the upper spine and brain; donations will help with medical expenses, which were not covered by insurance.

Funds raised for her son John, his mother said, will be used to bring joy to his life.

"It will help us to do things for John that he likes," she said. "John loves sports, so we'll be able to take him to professional sporting events. He also loves concerts — he loves music," she said. "Those are the things that he would enjoy and that would make him happy — and the little bit extra will definitely help with that."

Tardif, who also has a daughter Katie and son Brian in addition to John's twin Joe, said it wasn't always easy, knowing that her boy had to look on silently while his siblings soared.

"To be honest, it was especially hard because he had a twin that was quote, unquote 'normal', and who was reaching all the milestones he should have reached at the appropriate age," she said. "It was really hard for me to watch him always be the one sitting in the chair, watching his brother run around the yard. His brothers play sports — and it just really broke my heart."

But her children never let their brother feel left out or alone, she said.

"My boys and my daughter really tried to incorporate him into everything," she said. "So if they were playing sports, they'd give him a whistle and told him, 'You need to be the referee.'"

At first, she said, it really bothered her, that he wasn't able to run free with his siblings. "But then I realized how happy he was, just to be there, and to be with everyone," she said.

John, she said, is a very social person. He attended Mattituck High School for a while, then BOCES and now, attends an Independent Group Living Program. "No matter where he goes, they call him 'the mayor,'" she said. "He's so social. He loves being around people."

There have moments that have filled John's life with wonder.

Once, when Joe was playing Little League, they got John a uniform, too. "My husband John always coached. He would hold his hands during the Little League games. People were always so receptive. They'd let him get up to bat and hold the bat for him. They'd run the bases for him. He got such joy out of that."

Once, during one of Joe's high school baseball games, the coach stopped the game, let John don a uniform — and Joe walked his wheelchair around the bases, she said.

Throughout it all, the North Fork community has made her son feel loved. "One hundred percent," Tardif said. "I feel so fortunate that I raised my family in this area."

Kait's Angels is one example of the caring that exists, she said. "They're going the extra mile for people," she said. She added that her son Joe is good friends with Carly Doorhy, Kaitlyn's sister and the daughter of Joe and Darla Doorhy, who created Kait's Angels to keep their girl's legacy shining strong. "They have done so much for this community," she said.

Today, Tardif said, her daughter Katie is the senior brand manager at the Equinox Hotel. Her older son Brian is the athletic director at the Sag Harbor school district, and Joe is the health and physical education teacher at Mattituck High School.

As for John, Tardif said: "He is just such a happy kid. He just wants to be around people, no matter what. He might not be able to talk, but he gets his point across. He's just a really, really happy guy when you meet him."

Her son also loves going to church at the Sacred Heart Parish in Mattituck, where he loves seeing Msgr. Joseph Staudt, "Father Joe," she said. "They have an amazing relationship."

He may be unable to speak, but her son has shown her the meaning of life, Tardif said. "Not only has he taught me, I truly believe that he has taught this entire community, that it’s okay to be different," she said. "He’s taught so many people patience and understanding and empathy. I really believe he was put here by God for that reason."

Even though at first some kids at school were unsure of how to react when they saw him in a wheelchair, after a couple of weeks, she said: "Everyone was high-fiving him and he was best buddies with them. The kids absolutely loved him. It's so good for kids to see that we're not all the same, that everyone is different and sometimes people have challenges, but we're all human. We all want the same things, attention from others, and for people to be kind to us. I think he's taught a lot of people that."