What is the difference between these two sentences, plucked from a hypothetical college essay?
1. My favorite activities included fishing and cooking my daily catch.
2. My friends and I would wake up early every morning to catch bass on Lake Michigan, cooking up our spoils with herbs picked from a local farm.
In the first sentence, we understand that a student enjoyed a particular activity. In the second, yes, we know the student likes fishing but we also understand his/her commitment to an activity he/she engaged in every day and recognize that the fishing trips were a social effort. There is a sense of time and place — we can see the setting, smell the herbs. With a few extra words, sentence two tells us much more about the student's experience. Many students have a tendency to be generic in the telling of their personal stories. What makes an essay memorable is the sum of the little things. If a student can paint a clear picture for the reader by providing details, he/she is much more likely to lodge a marker in memories of the admissions board.
For more admissions essay writing tips and tricks, or for information about CEA's private advising services, visit www.CollegeEssayAdvisors.com or call 347-927-9CEA (9232).
