It's an Art

You've probably heard your whole life that no one can learn to be an artist. Well, if you choose to take classes at The Rye Arts Center, they never say that. At least not until after your check clears. 

This winter the RAC has a bunch of new courses, guaranteed to give you a keen new perspective on art. Or, at the very least, get you to stop raving about that painting of Dogs Playing Poker.

One of these exciting new additions is the "Young Master's Art Class." Here, for $170, children will learn to emulate modern artists like Andy Warhol. Now, they may take this Warhol business a bit too far. So, it's okay for your child to claim he was the first to paint a Campbell's Soup can. But, if he then says he discovered The Velvet Underground, it's time for a nap.

Also new this year is "Classical Kids Music." Here, children will learn all about the lives and careers of the great composers. There is one little mistake on the syllabus, however. It's true that Mozart had financial problems and tried to come up with more commercial music to remedy them. But this did not inspire him to write "Rock Me Amadeus."

A cool-sounding class that started at the end of January is something called "Discover Plaster!" Here children ages six through 10 will learn how to make African tribal masks. Unlike last year, this will not be followed by traditional African dancing. Some people think the four months of rain that followed was a coincidence. But the mayor is not one of them.

"Figurative Sculpture"is a new class that will be starting again in April. Here, teens and adults will explore the human form and sculpt accordingly. Students can only attend after ponying up an actual check or cash, however. Go ahead, just try and pay "figuratively." See where it gets you.

Another intriguing class at RAC this winter is the "Private Study" of songwriting and composition. Here, aspiring tunesmiths will learn the basics by studying "lyrics, melody and form in popular song." Or, maybe just something by The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Finally, there's a class currently in session, called "Airbrushing." This one is either about art or ethics, I can't tell. It must be the latter, I think, because it says once you learn "Airbrushing," you graduate to "Hedging," then "Fudging." And, finally, if the prosecutor wants to subpoena your records, you'll learn all about "Stonewalling." 

Either way, it's going to be a thrilling winter.

Peter Gerstenzang is a freelance videographer and entertainment and humor writer based in Rye Brook. His humor column about life in the city, "Wry Observations about Rye," will appear every other week on Rye Patch.