After Tragedy, Residents Rally For Sign Promoting Safe Driving

FLANDERS, NY — Holding signs, a group of residents and friends turned out Sunday in support of a sign on private property in Flanders urging motorists not to drive under the influence or text and drive; the signs stand as a testament to two beloved family members lost — and to a little girl left motherless by one of the crashes.

The rally, We Stand With Kadence And The Tocci Family Signs, was held by the sign on Flanders Road, a half-mile east of the Big Duck in Flanders.

Resident Susan Tocci advocated for the signs after her sister Barbara Tocci was killed in a head-on crash on Flanders Road in 2014; shortly after, Barbara Tocci's son's fiance, Hayley Riggins, who was on her motorcycle, was killed in a crash involving a driver allegedly driving under the influence of drugs, according to police reports.

The sign Tocci's property on Flanders Road says "Save A Life: Do Not Text And Drive," with the years of Barbara Tocci's life, 1966 to 2014. The other side shows Hayley holding her infant daughter and says: "Kadence Will Grow Up Without Her Mom: Do Not Drive Under The Influence. Hayley Riggins, 1987 to 2014."

On Sunday, family patriarch Philip Tocci thanked all who attended.

Susan Tocci said her family never wanted to have to erect the sign in the first place: "The message is clear: Do not do it. Do not drive under the influence. Do not text and drive."

She referenced a bus driver bringing kids to the Baiting Hollow Scout Camp who was arrested and charged with driving while intoxicated after crashing twice, according to police; the camp recently had a lodge dedicated to Boy Scout Andrew McMorris, who was killed by a drunk driver in 2018. Tocci said the need for awareness was critical.

"We know that this sign does save lives," Tocci said. "I get multiple texts, mail, private messages stating the same thing: 'I read that sign every time I pass it. It reminds me; if I do forget, it puts me back on track. Thank you for putting it up there.'"

Tocci said Southampton Town officials have been "fabulous" with her family after receiving multiple complaints from a woman, not originally from the area.

"Flanders residents stick together," she said.

After the rally, Tocci said Southampton Town Supervisor Jay Schneiderman reached out to her via a call with Southampton Town Code Compliance Officer and Emergency Management Administrator Ryan Murphy, offering ideas.

"As usual, the town is trying to work with me; they have been helpful and courteous throughout this ordeal, but code enforcement officers — when complaints are made, especially the amount that were made by Lorraine Paceleo — have to address them," Tocci said.

On Monday, Schneiderman said, "We are working with Susan on finding a good solution."

Paceleo, the vice president of the Bay View Pines Civic and Taxpayers Association, complained about the signs to town officials.

In a June 14 email to Murphy, which Tocci obtained by Freedom of Information Law request and shared with Patch, Paceleo wrote: "Are we to live with this obnoxious sign forever because none of your code enforcement officers / department can enforce or be the complaining party?"

Paceleo also asked to be kept anonymous for fear of "retaliation."

Murphy responded that Paceleo was asking for confidentiality from public officials. "You are asking us basically to lie and say that a complaint never came in or to hide your letters and emails. We cannot do that."

Paceleo said she had concerns about "informal memorials" set up on roadsides across the nation with flowers, crosses, and even blinking lights. "This is what a cemetery is for — these are very disturbing and distracting to drivers and should be taken down," she said.

Paceleo did not immediately return requests for comment.

"I feel badly for her — and I hope she reconsiders," Tocci said.

At the rally, Kadence spoke to Patch and explained why she thought the sign was important. "So people don't text and drive, or drive under the influence. And so this doesn't happen to somebody else."

(Lisa Finn / Patch)

Tocci has said the rally was held to support her family "and our right to display a sign that spreads awareness and love on our property. Signs that mean everything to our family and our friends. One sign, in particular, that means the world to a little girl who sees that sign as memorial for her mother who was tragically taken way too soon," Tocci said on the Facebook page announcing the event. "Both signs help spread awareness to two ongoing problems on our roadways, and in our society.

"We cannot understand how anyone can have a problem with these signs, or why they feel it's so important to have them taken down, but we would like the opportunity to show everyone how much they mean to us. They are not obstructing any views, they are not a distraction and they are on private property and well back from the roadway," she said.

She added that the event was a peaceful demonstration.

"We are a family in this community and we feel each other's pain. We will be there to comfort each other, pray for those affected by wrong choices and show the few who think the signs need to go that they are, in fact, more necessary than ever," she said.

In addition, a petition "Keep the Sign on 24 in Flanders/Southampton Town" was created by Marie Raffa.

Tocci said she is disappointed in those complaining about the sign, including Paleleo's comment, "Do we have to live with these obnoxious signs forever?"

Tocci added: "I find her comments much more obnoxious than a sign meant to save lives. Her opinion, that these types of memorials are what a cemetery is for, is just that — her opinion — but the majority of our community stands up with my family as we all try to keep each other safe and prevent another tragedy."

Tocci said her father was released from the hospital because he didn't want to miss the rally Sunday and "he is thrilled by all the support. How amazing that we had over 1000 signatures in two days. Keep sharing and together we can help save lives," she said.

To those that may have complained about the signs, Tocci said: "We are family here, we help others when needed, and in return, they help you. There's some with plenty of money and some without any, we have every race, religion, and different political views —but in the end, we are family. My great-niece Kadence is sixth-generation here in God's country, as we like to refer to our neighborhood, and my dad is jokingly referred to as the honorary mayor. These numbers show what our community wants, so please stop talking for us."

The signs had stood for years but recently, as she was set to drop Kadence off at school, Tocci said a situation arose that brought the child to tears.

As they were headed down the driveway, they were met by three Southampton Town code enforcement officers, Tocci said. "All were pleasant, professional, and helpful, yet they were there with the issue of the sign. Kadence burst into tears, once again."

The bottom line, she said, was that Kadence, who lost her mother, was upset to see the officers discussing the signs.

"This poor child is holding on to the safety message, so nobody loses their mom like she did," Tocci said.

Tocci added that with all the "actual violations in the area," people are questioning a sign, on her own property, that is "nothing more than a public service message. What harm is caused by telling people not to drive under the influence or not to text and drive? I am convinced that this is nothing other than a personal vendetta that someone has for me."

Even after reading the town code, Tocci said she doesn't believe her signage is in violation. "To take it even further, I'd say that this is a violation of my 1st Amendment right to free speech!"