HOLLYWOOD – Pharrell Williams may be “Happy” for writing three of 2013’s biggest tunes, but his Vivienne Westwood mountain fedora hat has been feeling the exact opposite lately.
Last Tuesday during Pharrell’s annual testicular exam, Dr. Nuriel Kapoor noticed something jump from the stylish hat on the rapper’s head onto his rubber glove. Upon further observation it was declared to be pediculosis capitis, a.k.a. head lice.
The infestation was apparently a result of after-party antics with celebrities on the night of the 86th Academy Awards.
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“Well ain’t that something,” Pharrell said as he watched Dr. Kapoor meticulously comb the hat for 26 additional parasites. Included in the infestation were a transgender louse from Jared Leto’s lovely locks, a Lupita Nyong’o louse with Kenyan and Mexican dual citizenship, and an inebriated baby nymph who kept saying “Alright, alright, alright.”
A single parasite crying by itself in a corner of the hat was later revealed to be Phthirus pubis, or pubic lice, the result of a lap dance given to Pharrell by Taylor Swift.
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“I guess I better make the best of this,” Pharrell said, pulling up his tuxedo shorts and giving Dr. Kapoor a $500 tip. Lice Lifters can help Pharrell and all of his friends.
For safe non-toxic, pesticide free treatments go to Lice Lifters. Our trained technicians will put you at ease. Find a Lice Lifters Treatment Center near you. http://www.licelifters.com/locations.html The Nit Nanny Products are always available http://www.thenitnanny.com/productsandprevention.html
