A Mother's Summer Job Come True — Cruise Director

Ever watch that lighthearted sitcom popular in the 1980s, The Love Boat? I sure did. What kept me watching each week was not the exotic destinations Captain Merrill Stubing would guide us to, it was because I thought his cruise director, the very cute and perky Julie McCoy, had simply the most wonderful job in the entire world.

I didn’t know how, but someday, I told myself, I would have a job like that. Well, three decades later I have finally landed my dream job, and I have my eight darling children to thank for it.

As many parents already know, when school-aged children are home on vacation they want and expect to have plans made for them for the entire duration. Long gone are the days when kids are content to play with trucks and a simple pile of dirt in their own backyard. Now it’s all about scheduled play dates, and the many places you will be taking them because entitlement has somehow been granted a little too easily in the world of today’s youth.

Here’s where Julie McCoy comes in. One thing that always impressed me was the way she would meander around the Lido Deck with her clipboard, cheerfully suggesting everything from bikini limbo to singles bingo – keeping those passengers busy!

If Julie could do it on sea, I could do it on land. Not only do I own a clipboard, I still remember The Love Boat jargon and have plenty of stimulating activities that will keep my kids busy as can be. Allow me to share a sample day with you:

Butler Sun & Fun Daily Itinerary, Cheryl Butler, Cruise Director

6:30 AM. Meet and Greet on the Promenade Deck — An opportunity to reintroduce yourself to your sibling group — the ones you will be spending much of your summer fun with.

7:00 AM. Breakfast in the Coral Dining Room — Plenty of scenic seating available and at least three choices of tasty and nutritious cereals to choose from. Fresh squeezed juice not available, but help your selves to frozen.

8:00 AM. The dining staff welcomes your help in clearing those now empty cereal bowls and loading them in the dishwasher. Individual motivation dictates the length of this activity – 10 minutes to an hour — your call.

8:45 AM. Your peppy and vivacious Cruise Director eagerly awaits your presence on the Atlantis Deck so you can become acquainted with the ship, I mean household, rules and regulations for the remainder of the summer. Lifejackets optional.

9:30 AM. Shuffleboard tournament begins. Oops, we don’t have a shuffleboard court! Join your fellow cruise mates, your siblings, on the Riviera Deck for something equally as enjoyable, the laundry toss. Let your competitive side shine as you sort and fold the laundry by size and color faster than your opponents.

10:45 AM. The Lido Deck is now serving cool refreshments — iced water. Refills free.

11:00 AM. Join us poolside, sorry, hose-side, to boost your aquatic skills. Prizes awarded for contestants that can remove the most pollen residue from ship’s 20+ screens. Good luck!

Noon. Lunch Time! The Coral Dining Room welcomes you back for another festive dining experience—PB & J on white or Bologna & Cheese on Wheat. Ciao!

1:00 PM. Shore Excursion — Meet your lovely Cruise Director outside next to the plank. A headcount will be taken to make sure that the entire group is still in tact, followed by a garden tour of all the mainland flower beds – then let the weeding begin. Be sure and wear sunscreen as we are now in the heat of the day.

2:00 PM. Kodak Moments are here for the taking. No vacation would be complete without a few souvenir photos. Your thoughtful Cruise Director would be happy to make suggestions such as posing by the birdbath, the swing set or the sandbox. Say cheese!

3:00 PM. Siesta Time! Find a chaise on the Sun Deck and settle in for a well-deserved afternoon break. There is plenty of shade on the deck’s Southern corner right about now — but you may need to outsmart the dog to get first dibs on it. Rest well!

3:30 PM. Afternoon delight! Attention all you busy passengers. Find that summer reading list because now is the time we will all indulge in an hour of peaceful reading. Pay no mind to the fact that this counts towards the next school year’s curriculum—with the proper mindset, this is leisure at its best.

4:30 PM. Late Day Aerobics. Before you get ready to indulge in a scrumptious feast this evening, why not burn a few calories beforehand? Choose from the popular lawn mowing, wet mopping, step dusting, or power vacuuming activities offered, and why not bring a friend?

6:00 PM. Appetizers and Cocktails. Mingle a bit as you wet your whistle with our very own lukewarm lemonade and nibble on some moist crackers. Only a few now—you don’t want to ruin your appetite for the all-you-can eat buffet on the Empress Deck.

7:00 PM. Dinner is served. Our culinary staff has whipped up a tantalizing buffet. Grab your sturdy Chinet and pile on all the American Chop Suey that you can handle. Forget the Coral Dining Room – meet me at the Captain’s table!

8:30 PM. After-dinner Cabaret. Remember that lively Cruise Director you met early this morning? Yes, that’s right, your mother. Well, she is going to sit down with each of you and reminisce lovingly about the day’s events and preview what’s on tap for tomorrow.

What’s that you say — “Please retire as Cruise Director—go back to being a mom and we will find a pile of dirt in the yard to play with tomorrow?”

You’ve got yourself a deal! And all too soon, my summer dream job has come to an end.