Recognizing The Difference Between Help And Hindrance...

   Amongst the great, 'life-lessons' I have learned, over the years, is the knowledge that there exists a tremendous, difference, between helping a person, and 'enabling' him or her. When we avail ourselves to, truly, assist another, we are performing at a thing, quite, positive. Helping aids progression, creates an environment of positivity, adds value to the life of another human being; it lifts US up. Helping, at its best, is supportive, not controlling; strengthening, not debilitating; mobilizing, not paralyzing. When helping hurts, either ourselves, or the party we are focusing our aid on, it is no longer helping; It is enabling.
Enabling is often disguised as helping, but it’s quite the opposite. Enabling creates a sense of powerlessness, often discouraging and de-motivating the person who needs help. One thing that I know is this; there are consequences for actions. When we are, constantly 'saving' someone from those consequences, we are preventing him or her from attaining personal-growth, learning a lesson, figuring 'stuff' our for him or herself. Believe me, I know from what I speak, as I have, over the years, been an enabler, with a capital 'E'! I used to laugh, and, suggest, that I walked around with an emblazoned 'E' on my forehead, my very, own, sort of 'scarlet-letter'. When we are confused, as to whether or not our actions are, actually, assisting someone 'in need', we might just ask ourselves a few, questions, to put things in the proper, perspective: Are my actions helping this person to feel more self-empowered?
Are the circumstances, for this person, staying the same, worsening or improving?
Is this person doing his absolute best to help himself?
Are my actions motivated by fear? Pity? Guilt?
Am I helping this person to take advantage of his/her full potential?
What good has come from my help?
What harm has come from my help? When we love others, it is a most, natural, desire to help them, when they are in need. However, sometimes, we do more harm than good, when we are, actually, 'interfering' with the parties ability to look for answers, remedies, solutions and 'fixes', within themselves. So, before we 'jump right in', and, attempt to 'save the life' of another, we must weigh the pros and cons, and, ask ourselves, 'Will my actions be helping, or hurting, this person?' 'What, exactly, is my motivation, behind my desire to come to this person's aid?' AND, 'Are we, each, truly, benefiting, from the support I am offering?' The 'bottom-line' is this; that, no matter how much we desire to help others in our life, WE must, also, 'be there' for OURSELVES. If, by doing ANYTHING for another, we feel drained, 'short-changed', or, experience any, other, sense of negativity, we need to re-access our motivation behind our want for helping them. Just Sayin'...