On Being a Young, Thoughtful Party Host

My previous blog topic offered several points as to how today's youth can be  'sparkling' party guests.  For parents who enjoy helping their children throw birthday parties, or parties for most any occasion, consider carving out a few minutes with your child to review 'kindness behavior' that you expect at the party.  Teaching your child how to be a thoughtful party host will be worth the effort.

Experience in the party industry for many years, along with raising my own children, has given me reason to believe that some in our society have forgotten that the 'birthday girl' (or boy) is not only the guest of honor but also has host duties to attend to. Everyone knows that the real 'host' of a child's party is the parent with an empty wallet (read...we spend too much on 'things' that have no affect on most).  But, because the spotlight is on the birthday girl, it seems to have taken on the meaning that everyone is to attend to her.  Unfortunately, 'birthday girl' is forgetful to attend to her guests.  Hosting a party provides a perfect training ground for children to begin to learn certain social skills that they will need throughout life. Hosting parties teaches a child diplomacy in greeting guests, seeing to their refreshment needs, making sure guests are included in activities, receiving presents, and practicing magic words such as thank you and please.  In other words, the young and thoughtful birthday host considers the following:

1) Guest list: This can be tricky.  Unless you are inviting everyone in the class from school or church, or every team-member, you must be very careful in how invitations are handed-out.  It's perfectly fine to have an intimate party with three or four guests, but address and mail invitations to each one.  Do not hand deliver invites in front of those who are not invited.  Also, don't openly chat about the party, before or after, in front of others who were not invited.  This will keep feelings from being hurt.  A gracious host is considerate of everyone. (Parents--helpful advice regarding the birthday invite:  Use 'Regrets Only' and phone number as opposed to simply 'RSVP'--allows least number of calls you need to handle)

2)  Don't be late to your own party!  Be dressed and ready to greet each guest and to make introductions!

3)  Have a specified gift table.  Upon greeting each guest, the host may take the gift and place it on the table while leading guest into area for introductions.  A parent or friend may wish to handle the duty of placing gift on the table. 

4)  A thoughtful host plans fun festivities that won't exclude any guest.  Shy guests should be encouraged to participate.  Physically challenged guests should be included in the plans. Discourage small groups that break-off into their own space.  Spend a bit of personal time with each guest. 

5)  Keep an eye on refreshments.  Parents may attend to the food table, but the young host should make sure each guest has sufficient drink and snack. While on the topic of food, the young host should display excellent table manners as she guides her guests into this special time of the party.

6)  There is no crying, demanding, nor pouting at the birthday party!  This opportunity is for the birthday girl/boy to display self-control, courtesy, and humility in the presence of others. The gracious host makes eye contact with each guest and a gives a sincere 'thank you' after opening the gift--no matter if it's a duplicate or indescribable offering!  Parents, you may want to have your child practice handling this skill involving tact!   

7)  A personal 'good-bye' and 'thanks for coming...hope you had a good time' to each guest leaves everyone feeling satisfied! 

8)  The exhausted, but appreciative young host helps clean after the party and gives an enormous kiss, hug and 'thanks' to her/his parents!

9)  Within two or three days, thank-you notes should be written.  There are various opinions as to the requirement of thank-you notes if the guest has been personally thanked and has been given a parting gift of thanks.  I'm of the opinion that the thought behind a written note and the skill in learning to write a special sentiment help build character.  So, why not write one?

The young, inexperienced host may ask you, "Why do I have to think about all of this stuff and about my guests when it's MY birthday party?"  I offer this response for you to give... "If you want this birthday to be all about you, then there will be no need for a party!  Just YOU will be enough."

I welcome your thoughts, anecdotes, and insights to the topic. Please feel free to chat with me on facebook at Upstate School of Etiquette or tweet with me @Manners4Youth.  Summer Etiquette Camp being planned.  Visit the website at www.upstateschoolofetiquette.com.  Ronda Ellison, Director