How To Act (Or Not Act) At A Yard Sale

I shouldn't have to write this.  I really shouldn't.  But after the weekend I have had helping a friend with their yard sale, I've found that there's apparently a severe lack of common sense, politeness and intelligence among many of those who visit yard sales.  So here's a little what-to-do and what-not-to-do guide for those who like to wander other's yards on weekends looking for the find of a lifetime -- 

1.  PARKING:  Please use some common sense.  Look around you.  If there are clearly marked spaces for parking, USE THEM.  Do not park in someone's yard unless they indicate this will be ok - you can rupture a water line or end up with your front end in their septic tank that way.  Do not drive through people's yards. Do not stop your car in the middle of the street, leave it running, open a door and leave the door open while you get out to "just take a look".  If you are requested by someone to park in a particular area, do not take it as a personal affront and speed off, tires squealing or throwing gravel.  Try to park in such a way that you are not blocking traffic or completely blocking a driveway.  If you must block another car in, be prepared to move your car when they are ready to leave and don't act like it's a huge insult that you do so.  And pulling right up to the tables and parking your car is about as inconsiderate as you can get.  Park correctly or go to Walmart.

2.  MONEY:  Most people who are having yard sales are prepared to make change for a $20.  But showing up as the first customer of the day, buying two items at $1 each then handing someone a hundred dollar bill is just stupid and if you don't know that, you deserve to have that hundred taken from you and not returned.  If you are going to yard sales, stop at the bank and get smaller bills.  Or stop at the convenient store or Walmart and buy a pack of gum.  Paying with a twenty is acceptable.  Paying with a hundred dollar bill at any point in a yard sale is just inconsiderate.  And to go along with that, heaving a heavy sigh and rolling your eyes when the person you are paying has to go speak to their fellow hosts and hunt around for all of the change they need to give you is RUDE.  Roll them eyes at me and you may get them rolled around your head. Remember that.

3.  NO SMOKING!!!:  If you choose to smoke in your own home or car, that is your right.  In my opinion you're stupid, but it's your right to be stupid.  DO NOT, however, smoke at someone else's yard sale.  Even smokers don't want you standing over their stuff with your cigarette dangling from your lip, dropping ashes on their possessions. In addition, even if the people hosting the sale are smokers, most of their customers will not be, and personally, being around cigarette smoke can cause me to have an asthma attack.  If they're not smokers, your stinky, foul smoke leaves a smell on their belongings, and can make it harder for them to sell.  I don't come to your home and stink up your yard, please don't go to other's houses and do the same.  If you are just jonesing for a cig so bad that you've got to have one, go get in your car and smoke.

4.  CONTROL YOUR KIDS, OR BETTER YET, LEAVE THEM AT HOME:  Just because it's a yard sale and most of the stuff is used doesn't mean that you aren't responsible for your kid's behavior or them breaking something.  Just because there is kid stuff (or non-kid stuff) in the yard doesn't mean that your kids can come play with it.  Kids should behave at a yard sale the exact same way they should behave anywhere else - hands off if it doesn't already belong to them, unless they are choosing something to purchase, and they should treat the item with respect until they've actually paid for it.  And screaming at your kids 40 times from across the yard while you look at things with your back turned to them is not controlling them.  

5.  HAGGLING, DISCUSSING, AND NEGOTIATING:  Yes, I know that part of the fun of a yard sale is the art of negotiating "the deal".  When I host a yard sale I price things at what I hope they will sell for, but am usually prepared to dicker.  Most people are.  If they aren't then items should put it on Craig's List with a FIRM price.  However, if you've made a couple of offers and they've been rejected, it might be time to move on if you're not willing to pay the price asked.  Arguing is not going to get the owner to feel warm and fuzzy towards you and want to do you a favor.  Also, if you're the kind of person that gets mad and stomps off if you don't get your own way, perhaps yard sales aren't your thing.  If you see something you know is worth $50 and the person has it priced at $25, there's a good chance that they too know it's worth $50 and are willing to let it go at half-price to get the money or to get the space selling it will give them.  Getting offended because they won't take your lowball offer of $10 is just stupid.

6.  MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS:  it is a big faux pas to say to another customer getting ready to make a purchase "You know, they got one just like that down at the Goodwill for a tenth of that price".  Do not be surprised if you are asked to leave at that point - I would ask you to.  I don't go to your boss and tell him that he can hire someone from overseas to do your job at a tenth of what you're paid, so don't come in my yard and try that crap.  Also, cutting into negotiations between me and someone you don't know is uncool.  I don't need your help negotiating, and it isn't any of your business what my customer is willing to pay me for an item.  This too will get you invited to leave.  And don't offer to sell my customer the same thing they are buying from me at a better price.  Go have your own yard sale.

And finally....

7.  ALL SALES ARE FINAL:  You find a lamp at a yard sale that matches one you've got at home perfectly.  Or you find a gorgeous carnival glass saucer at a bargain price.  But you get home, plug the lamp in and it doesn't work. Or, you find a chip out of the bottom rim of the saucer once you get it under bright light.  Too bad.  When you buy something at a yard sale, you need to examine it fully, and if it's electrical you need to ask to test it there.  Do not go banging on someone's door on Tuesday demanding your money back.  Part of yard sales is the risk that something you buy may not be in perfect shape.  It may be a reproduction rather than an original.  It may be a designer knock-off rather than the real thing.  That DVD may have scratches on it that cause the movie to skip.  Did the owner know this?  Probably, but not always.  But going back and harassing the person you bought it from is completely uncool.  Chalk it up to a life lesson, stick it in your own yard sale box and unload it to some other schmuck.  Or toss it in the trash.  But don't blame someone else because you didn't check it out properly first.

One last thing - when you do these things, we notice and we talk about you once you're gone.  If you live in a small town, chances are the people holding the yard sale know you, your boss, your pastor, and maybe even your mama.  So don't be surprised when you hear about your foolishness from others in the community.  The best way to keep that from happening is to, in the words of Andy Griffith, "Act like you've got some smarts".