Happily Parenting

R-E-S-P-E-C-T...tell you what it means to me...

How do you teach your children to exude respectful behavior?

First you have to start with what you model to in front of them. First and foremost, your home should be parent-centered, not child-centered. This means the primary relationship in the home needs to be between husband and wife. If you are a single parent, YOUR life/interests should take center stage. While this is so far from what society tells us, it is what God himself laid out for us. In Genesis 2:24, God tell us to "be of one flesh." Go to any wedding, never in the marriage vows do you hear "till children do us part." In the words of John Rosemond, "violate God's instruction and you bring down a world of hurt upon yourself." What does this have to do with respect? Well...when a child is not a part of the primary relationship in the home, he or she does not develop a sense of entitlement or what I like to call "all about me syndrome." Homes where parents are husbands/wives FIRST, give their children security and model proper roles in the home. This above all must be established before any "teachable moments" regarding respect will have any effect.

This week I read a Bible story to my kindergarten class entitled J-O-Y.  In the story a little boy was given $10 as a gift.  His father took him to have it changed into 10, $1 bills. His father explained that the first dollar goes back to the Lord, which the little boy gladly sets aside. Then he asked his father to take him to the store to by a gift for his sister. Upon leaving the store the little boy laughed realizing he still had $6.00 left and hadn't bought himself anything! The father explained that is just how God wants us to behave: Jesus, Others, You...J-O-Y!

So what do we have so far? Children who are disciplined are happier (refer to my other blog post) and children who put others ahead of themselves are happier.
If you establish these two very essential criteria, teaching respect in other settings and situations will come very naturally.  Here are some examples:

• "Chew with your mouth closed" - good manners but also respect for the comfort of others at the table.
• Fathers model holding doors for women.  Instruct your children to hold doors for elders (ie. anyone older than themselves)
• Point out moments when your child's assistance would be helpful to another person (ie. picking up something dropped, closing a car door, carrying groceries, clearing dinner table)  Teach them to look for the other guy's needs before their own.
• When waiting for an elevator, model/instruct waiting for an elevator to clear before entering.
• Telling a child they are not to interrupt you while you are speaking on the phone.
• Giving your child chores beginning at age 3. By age 10 your child is capable of doing ALL household chores. (This teaches respect because your child is learning to become a contributing member of a community - your home - and thus will take more care of their efforts. Remember you are raising and eventual adult, one whom I'm sure you want to be a contributing member of society.)  Without offering an allowance - but we'll get to this later.
• Do not make yourself available to your children ALL of the time. Once a child reaches 2 1/2 years to 3 years, you must begin to set boundaries between you and your child. They are capable of doing 8 out of 10 things they say they cannot. Set aside time for yourself and you and your spouse and during that time, let your child know that they do not need a mother in those moments and you are not going to be one. This is very hard for most mothers to accept and follow through on, but the truth is, the longer you "do" for your child the longer they will expect you to do for them and never recover from "all about me syndrome."

"A parent's job is to be there when their children NEED them, but bring them up so they don't"
                                                                                                                    - Author Unknown

R-E-S-P-E-C-T....tell me what it means to YOU?