On Twilight and Marriage

It's November, and you know what that means: time for a new Twilight movie! (You thought I was going to mention Thanksgiving, turkey, school vacations, didn't you? That's all well and good, but let's get our priorities straight, shall we?)

It was my best friend, Nina, who first tried to recruit me for Team Edward. I'm not going to lie to you; I was totally resistant at first. I thought the entire concept was stupid. I'm not a teenage girl; I'm not into vampires. No, I told her, I'm not reading a book that was a Teen People "Hot List" pick. But after weeks of daily phone updates on the lives of Bella and company, she finally wore me down. I bought the first book, fully expecting to roll my eyes and make fun of her. I mean, really. Whatever.

And then I read the entire series in eight days. The entire series. All four books. All 1,690 pages. E-i-g-h-t days.

Once I started, it was un-put-down-able. (I know that's not a word, but it's the only way I can say it.) My kids were fed, clothed, and (relatively) clean, but I was completely obsessed. I read while I ironed, in the carpool line, while my husband watched TV. I stayed up hours past my bedtime. I devoured each and every word, bought the rest of the books, and rented the movie version. Compelling, captivating, well-written. Good writing, good dialogue, good imagery.

Yes, there are vampires. Yes, there's teen love. But I think what draws women, adult women, to this story is the fact that against all odds, against common sense and the rules of society and science and nature, two people love each other so much that they are compelled to be together. What speaks to women, the young and the middle-aged alike, is the idea of a love so strong, so destined, so magnetic, that literally nothing can keep them apart. Despite the odds against them, despite the challenges they face, they are drawn together by a love so deep it feels out of their control. Nothing can keep them apart. It's more than passion, or attraction, or mere lust - no, Bella and Edward are truly meant for each other, destined to be together, regardless of what happens around them, to them, because of them.

What woman wouldn't want a man to feel that way about her?

But though I love the books, and am currently on my fifth reading, (I did warn you that I was obsessed), I can separate fact from fiction. I may have a Twihard-worth crush on Edward, but I also know that real-life love, married love, takes time, effort, hard work. The books may be adored by teen girls, but I doubt any teenager can fathom a love so deep. We've all had crushes, first love, but what Bella and Edward share is deeper. And hopefully, what we have with our spouses is deeper than that, too. It's mature love, born out of shared experiences, love that comes from facing trials and troubles together. It's the kind of love that holds your hand in the delivery room, that gets up before dawn with the kids so that you can sleep in; the kind of love that lets a woman know that this man would quite literally lay down his life for his wife and children. It's grown-up love.

A marriage is give and take, on ongoing compromise, between two people who have committed themselves for life. Sometimes things are good; sometimes things are less good. Sometimes things are just, well, dull and boring and routine. But that's real life. There's nothing glamorous or romantic about paying bills, driving carpool, making dinner. But this is the stuff of life, of family life; it's what bonds us together. Yes, it's nice to have those "grand gestures" in a marriage. But it's really the small things, the little daily gestures, that speak to a deep, meaningful life together. As my friend Janet, whose husband introduced me to mine, says, "Attraction is important, but initial passion fades. You have to work to keep love alive. In the end, I'd rather have a man who will clean the baby puke out of my hair at 3 AM than one who'd buy me jewelry but sleep through the stomach flu." Well said. Me, too.

Slacker Mom Says... real life isn't a book or a movie. Real life isn't always exciting or sexy. A marriage is what we make it, after all. I may be (slightly) obsessed with Edward and Bella's love story, but I still make time for MY love story. I'm not sure I believe in destiny, or fate, but I do believe in forever, and in my husband, and in our love for each other. We'll keep working at it, keep challenging each other, keep loving each other. He's no vampire, and I'm not a teenage girl, but we belong together.

And guys? Go ahead and encourage your wives' Twilight obsession. Really. You'll reap the benefits of those Edward-induced, romance-fueled attitudes. Trust me.