Unplugged - By Choice

A recent fall afternoon found my older daughter and I waiting for my little one to finish her jazz class. Now, my kids are used to tagging along to each other's lessons, recitals, practices, games, rehearsals, whatever. So when another mom asked my 9-year-old, "What do you DO while you wait?" my daughter looked up (in confusion, I might add, since she had her nose in a book), and said, "I read."

"READ? How do you get her to READ?" the other mom asked. (I'll call her "Ann". That's not her name, but let's just say it is.) "Don't you let her bring her DS? Her iPod? Her iPad? Why won't you let her play games on your phone? You REALLY make her READ the WHOLE time?" (Let me add here that the dance class? It's an hour. One. Hour.)

And my sweet, brilliant girl answered for me, "I LOVE to read! I'd rather read than do ANYTHING! When my mom punishes me, she takes away my books." (That's true, actually. I do.) And then she disappeared back into the pages, and, sadly, I didn't hear another word from her. (Well, until we were in the car, and she started with the "it's not fair, everyone else has their own iPod touch, iPad, smart phone, laptop, etc." But that's another story.)

Now, if other parents want to buy their 8- or 9-year old an iPad, a smart phone, or the Hope Diamond, for that matter, go for it. None of my business. No argument from Slacker Mom. I mean, my kids have (embarrassing but true) 14 American Girl dolls in their playroom. Gramma had all boys, after all, and she and Santa both love giving the girls dolls. But as I told my daughter, if you ask Santa for a $100 doll, he's not also going to bring you a DSi! Pick ONE big-ticket item, kid. And a smart phone? You're NINE. You are either with me or your teachers. Who do you need to call? And why can't you just use the phone that's sitting on the kitchen counter?

But no, "Ann" just couldn't leave well enough alone. I got a 20 minute explanation about why her kids (ages 5 and 8) have all the electronics that they do: She doesn't want to have to entertain them when she's home, and if they are plugged in, they are quiet and they leave her alone, and she doesn't have to "figure out what to do with them until bedtime." Her words, parents, not mine. If her girls are bored and want to play on the computer, she doesn't want to "share" hers, so they each have their own. (See, I just tell my kids no. As in, "No, I'M using it. Go play with something else. And if you're bored, I've got a couple of toilets that need scrubbing." Works every time.)

And then - her fatal error - "Ann" said that because these electronics are "educational", because kids can practice reading skills and math facts, I shouldn't let my kids "miss out" on the "excellent educational opportunities" that these devices could be providing for my children.

Now, usually Slacker Mom is all about the love. To each her own, parent and let parent, that kind of thing. I am rarely defensive about my parenting choices or judgmental about others'. Whether it's ego or age, I don't know, but I don't really care what anyone else thinks. I really am doing the best I can at any given moment, and I like to assume the same about other moms. But have you ever seen those "honey badger don't play?" clips on You Tube? The animal with few natural predators due to its thick skin and vicious defensive capabilities, who happily takes on venomous snakes, mean zebras, and aggressive lions? Yeah, that's kind of what happens when you get me started on education. I will morph from mellow, live-and-let-live Slacker Mom into a ranting, raving, soap-box climbing lunatic of a tenacious honey badger if you start talking about education - particularly the education of MY children.

So I kind of let her have it. I explained that I taught my kids to read with no gadgets or electronics, that I used the good old-fashioned methods that I used with hundreds of kids in over a decade of teaching: phonics and books. Yep, my kids learned to read by (GASP!) reading books. And math? Sure, you can do drills on your gadgets, and that's fun, but I taught my kids through real-life math problems and the old stand-by used by hundreds of thousands of teachers every day: manipulatives. So PLEASE do NOT try to sell me on expensive electronics by telling me they'll give my kids an "edge" in school. Please. They are both significantly above grade level in all academic areas, one of them skipped a grade, both have been identified as intellectually gifted - and it's not because I bought them a laptop or a DSi or a smart phone. (Now, neither of them can ride a bike or make a decent sandwich, but we all have room to grow, and that's a different story.)

So let's call these devices what they are: entertainment. If you want to provide your kids with the latest electronics, go for it! None of my business, and I really don't care how other families spend their discretionary income. But these devices are NOT for educational purposes alone, and we all know it. It's entertainment, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just call a spade a spade. My kids use my laptop and other electronics. I just don't call it education, and I don't feel that they need - or are entitled to - their very own. I don't believe that an elementary school student NEEDS a $400 iPod, smart phone, or her own laptop. And of course, my oldest wants all of the above. (My youngest "just" wants a horse. Sigh.) We live in a materialistic society, where many people seem to feel the need for the latest version of the newest big thing, regardless of cost, and my child wants what "everyone else" has. I was the same way as a kid. But I'm not spending that kind of money on electronics for little kids. Call me cheap if you will, but I'd rather spend that money on dance lessons, a new saddle, books, a family vacation.

Besides, it's kind of like the 12-year-old whose parents get her a limo for the middle school dance. What do you do for prom? her wedding? Let's leave something for later. Why give kids everything now? Where's the lesson on working, saving for things? Don't we appreciate that which we work hard to gain? One mom protests, "If my parents want to buy my first grader his own laptop, who am I to say no?" Um, in a word: the PARENT. I don't care WHAT my parents want to buy my kids; I'm the mom. I have veto power. What if they showed up with a puppy? No, the grandparents can buy all the dolls they want, but as I told my mom last year, "You are NOT taking the kids to Hawaii for spring break. (At least, not unless you take me, too.)"

Slacker Mom Says... back off! My kids aren't entitled to the latest electronic gadgets any more than yours are entitled to a pony. I won't criticize you for the decisions you make, so don't tell me my kids should have the same things yours do. Soon enough, they WILL need all that stuff, and we'll get them their own laptops and cell phones. But right now, they'd rather run upstairs to their playroom and create a magical world of horses and fairies than play video games. Right now, they'd rather play outside together than hole up alone in their rooms; they'd rather curl up with me and hear a good story than text their friends. Why would we discourage that? Why make them grow up any faster? The teen years are coming - and then college, grad school, beyond. For now, we'll focus on their imaginations, on spending time together, unplugged. That's just us. You do your thing, and we'll do ours.

But don't knock it 'til you've tried it.