Dear Abbitron Answers Facebook Etiquette Questions

Dear Abbitron:  Some of my friends say that the photos I post are too risqué.  How do I know when I’ve crossed the line?  -- Larry F.

Dear Larry: Pornography is hard to define.  “I know it when I see it” is the age old standard.  Please send all of your files to askabbitron@gmail.com for further evaluation.  This goes for all you readers.  Except the ugly ones.

Dear Abbitron: All my friends post about how happy they are and how great their home lives are.  Is it all true? – Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: Of course it’s all true.  That’s why they are on Facebook at two in the morning. Alone.

Dear Abbitron: Facebook makes me so mad.  My so called “friends” have opinions that aren’t the same as mine, which means they’re wrong.  I want to cry.  What should I do?  - Glenn B.

Dear Glenn: The first thing to do is accept that it is not their fault.  They have been brainwashed by my cousin, Mediabot 3000.  Next, understand that the only way to get through that brainwashing is to be as loud, rude, and obnoxious as possible.  They’ll thank you for it later.

Dear Abbitron:  How many photos of my cat is too many?  - Siegfried

Dear Siegfried: One.

Dear Abbitron:  I’m trying to launch a home business.  Is it rude to promote myself on Facebook?  -Jan W.

Dear Jan: Of course it isn’t rude.  Your friends and family will be thrilled to support your new endeavor.  Feel free to post links to your merchandise, ask your friends for feedback, and invite them to your special events.  Unless you’re a writer.  Nobody wants to read that junk.

(The Abbitron is the world’s leader in social media etiquette advice simulation.  Do you have a question for the Abbitron?  Please send it to askabbitron@gmail.com)