The Scarlet F

The Governor approached the platform, head bowed slightly.  He appeared humble, yet confident – a man who found solace in his convictions.

The proctor stood and spoke loudly so that those in the back could hear.  “Governor, thou art accused of acts most heinous against human decency.  Thou hast declared thy position on matters both grievous and small hath evolved.”

“Heretic!” someone shouted.

“Heathen!”

“Murmur!”

“What say ye?” continued the proctor.

The Governor smiled.  “First of all, can we cut the ‘thee’ and ‘thou’ stuff?  Don’t get me wrong, it sounds really cool but I just don’t think future audiences will put up with it.”

“Duly noted,” said the proctor.

“Now, about this ‘evolving ideas’ business, don’t we all do that all of the time?” asked the Governor.  “Take Dr. Chillingworth over there.  Why, this time last year he was treating pneumonic plague with leeches.  But swift advances in medicine and theology have made manifest the need for exorcism in these cases, and thus the good doctor now sends these patients to Reverend Dimmesdale for assistance.”

“Harumph!  That’s hardly the same thing!” shouted Chillingworth.  “You confuse us with your lies!”

“Oh, is it not, Doctor? What is the harm in admitting that your position changed when confronted with new information?” 

“The harm, Governor, is that a man of principle must never change his opinion,” shouted a merchant named Craig.

"And what of you, good man Craig?  You rail against the love that dare not speak its name, yet was it not just a fortnight ago that your gold-buckled shoe approached mine ‘neath the privy’s divider?  Is that your example of principle?”

“It depends on what your definition of ‘is’ is,” said William from his spot in the pillory.

“How dare you besmirch good man Craig!” shouted the townspeople.

“Devil!”

“Socialist!”

“Murmur!”

“Again, Thomas, we don’t say ‘murmur,’ we simply murmur,” said the proctor.

The Governor continued.  “Are we not imbued by our creator with flexibility of thought?  Has He not seen fit to bestow upon us the faculties to reconsider throughout our lives what we believe to be true?  If not, then William over there never would have relieved himself of the belief that maidens have cooties.”

"I can see my house from here!" the delightful maiden Sarah squealed.

William bit his lip and smiled, and gave the crowd a shackled thumbs up.

“All of this is the fancy talk of an educated man,” the proctor smirked.  “We are simple folk who believe that once an opinion has been formed it shall never be changed, for this is our way.  Well, that and that we’re always right and everyone else is wrong.”

“He’s a witch!”

“Burn him!”

“Murmur!”

“Damnit, Thomas!” The proctor cried, and then he turned to the accused.  “Governor Prynne, we find you guilty of the unspeakable crime of changing your mind.  From now until the end of your days you shall wear…The Scarlet F!

And that, my friends, is how Governor Prynne was forever branded the first flip-flopper in the New World.