Couples Share Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage In Time For Valentine’s Day

Joe and Tammi Ulinski, who are celebrating their 39th wedding anniversary on Valentine’s Day, met in a chance encounter.

The Macomb Township (Michigan) Patch reader worked at a church credit union and was cashing her now-husband’s check.

“Little did I know his grandpa started the church credit union,” she said.

After a whirlwind, six-week courtship, they got engaged.

“Keep dating your spouse,” Tammi said of how they’ve made it work.

Other couples who responded to our informal survey on how they met their spouses or partners recalled similar chance encounters, but also love-at-first-sight moments, blind dates and second chances.

Many of the couples responding to our survey have been married for 50, 60 and 70 years or more. They shared what it takes to make a marriage last, from conventional advice to more modern takes.

‘A Legendary Chicago Love Story’

Niles-Morton Grove (Illinois) Patch readers Frederick and Marisa have a “legendary Chicago love story.” They met in 1974 when they both worked at her parents’ restaurant, often going on deliveries together. He was later hired as a dishwasher.

“By around 1975, he started stealing kisses and we started dating,” Marisa said. “We were on and off for a while because of life and circumstances, but in 1985 — the year the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl — we got married.”

Every day of their 41 years of marriage, they’ve gone to work together, worked alongside each other and gone home together at night.

It’s not one thing that has made their marriage work, but many — a realization that love isn’t the big moments, but choosing each other every day, even when the other is at their worst.

“Let each other change,” Marissa said. “People grow, sometimes together, sometimes unevenly. Long marriages survive because no one is stuck being who they were at 25.

“Talk, but also learn when to shut up. Say the important things. Let the small things go,” she went on. “Not every thought needs to be said, and not every disagreement needs a winner.”

There’s more: Stay on the same team, “especially when life is hard”; find true intimacy through sharing ordinary routines; and remember, “Respect lasts longer than passion (but passion likes respect).”

Also, she said, “Remember why you started. Every now and then, remind each other of the early days — the deliveries, the stolen kisses, the dumb moments. That memory glue is strong.

“Honestly? Long-lasting love isn’t about being perfect together. It’s about being forgiving, stubborn, kind, and a little bit funny for a very long time. We didn’t quit. That’s the secret.”

Laugh, Now More Than Ever

Branford (Connecticut) Patch readers Bob and Mary met in the blizzard of 1978 that shut down the entire state of Connecticut. They lived in the same apartment complex, but had never met.

“I was outside playing in the snow and Bob and some other sane people were inside the lobby watching the foolishness,” Mary said. “When I came in, I was talking with the group, and Bob mentioned that he was throwing a snow party that night.

“I invited myself and the rest is history — or, as I like to say, ‘He never knew what hit him!’ We have been together since then,” Mary said.

Laughing often has been their magic marriage potion, and they need it more than ever now.

“A few years ago, my incredibly sweet-natured, kind husband was diagnosed with dementia. As I’ve watched this good man slowly slip away from me, we’ve worked hard at maintaining our sense of humor,” Mary said. “Even though he no longer remembers most of our history or sometimes who I am, we still find things to laugh about. For that I am grateful.”

He Rescued Her at Sea

For many years, after his best friend was killed in a hunting accident, Mastic Beach (New York) Patch reader Danny stayed close to his widow, Maria, and their two daughters. When the older daughter married and moved to Florida, Maria and Felicia were left at home.

Danny did what his friend would have done and made sure Felicia would know how to skipper a boat on friend and family group’s regular excursions to the Moriches Inlet bay beaches. Sometimes, he serviced the boat and sent Felicia off. Other times, he’d join them for the day or even camp overnight.

One late August afternoon in 2020, Felicia called Danny and asked if he’d tow her boat home. It has broken down in the middle of the bay as she was heading to the inlet with friends and their children.

When Danny pulled alongside to secure the tow rope, he locked eyes with a beautiful and obviously angry woman sitting in one of the aft seats in the stern of the boat.

“Hi, what’s your name?” Dan asked as he leaned in.

“Jayna,” she replied.

“Well, Jayna, I’m Dan.”

A few days later, he asked her out and they started dating. They fell in love and got married four years later. He’s 75 now and she’ll be 63 this year.

“When people ask how we met, we smile and say I rescued her at sea — and we fell in love,” Dan said.

Second Chances At Love

Mill Valley (California) Patch readers Bill and Bernice got a second chance at love.

“We met and dated in college, thought we were too young to get married, went our separate ways and reunited, and married 40 years later,” Bill said.

“When you find that person who you respect, share deep intellectual ties and deeper belly laughs with, jump in with your whole heart and never look back on others who have passed through your lives.” he said. “Realize that your love is the only thing that matters.”

Groton (Connecticut) Patch readers Sheryl and Jorge attended Robert E. Fitch Senior High School together, but they didn’t marry until 34 years later.

They live in Kapolei, Hawaii, now, and their second chance has lasted 18 years.

“Be each other’s cheerleader, placing each other over ourselves and letting them know daily how much they mean to you in even the smallest ways,” Sherryl said.

John was the first boy Ann ever went steady with.

“We always stayed friends throughout grammar school and high school,” said Ann, who reads Manalapan Patch Freehold Patch, both in New Jersey. “We were always drawn to each other.”

She married someone else, then divorced three years later.

“John came home from the Navy on leave and we ran into each other, and three years later, we married,” she said. “We’ve been married for 44 years. He’s my soul mate.”

Marriage, Ann said, is a “full-time job.”

“Put as much work into it as you put into your job,” she said.

Little Sister Grew Up

Charlie and Barbara grew up three doors away from one another.

“I considered her my little sister,” said Charlie, who lives in Salisbury, Massachusetts, and reads Hampton-North Hampton (New Hampshire) Patch

Then one day I needed a date in a hurry, so I asked her if she wanted to go with me.” Charlie said. “Obviously, she said yes, and the rest is history.

“We have been married for over 70 years now, and I hope we have a few more to go,” he said. “Just goes to show, you never know what fate has in store for you.”

‘Love At First Flight’

Plainview (New York) Patch readers Arlene and Rich met 48 years ago at LaGuardia Airport. Each had gone to the airport to pick up their parents from a convention. The flight was delayed, giving them time to talk.

“We were surprised that our parents came off the plane together and had known each other for many years, working for the same company,” Arlene said. “We refer to our meeting as ‘love at first flight!’”

Their marriage has lasted because they share mutual interests. They also talk out disagreements.

“Communication is key to moving past the disagreements that will inevitably occur,” Arlene said.

Love Under Your Nose

Others found love just by living their lives.

Bristol-Warren (Rhode Island) Patch readers Jim and Christine met in a laundromat in 1987 and have been married for 38 years.

“You don’t always have to answer when your partner has problems; listening is very important,” Jim said, adding that having shared values also helps a relationship last.

Orange County (California) Patch readers George and Barbara met after a church Lenten service more than 45 years ago. Though both had previously sung for other church choirs, the two joined for songs of praise in the Lenten service.

They’ve now been married for 44 years.

Their advice to other couples is, “Prayer and not going to bed angry,” George said.

Newton (Massachusetts) Patch readers Pixie and Dolphine met at a climbing wall event.

“Don’t chase, let things happen,” Pixie said. “Keep going about your life and let the relationship happen. If it’s meant to be, it will.”

“Put as much work into it as you put into your job,” she said.

The Villages (Florida) Patch readers Tom and Terry met in a bar on Long Island and got married eight months later. They raised two sons, and in March, they will have been married for 58 years.

“What a ride!” Tom said, adding, “Stay in love with each other.”

Young Love Is Lasting Love

New York City Patch reader Shelia said she and her late husband Barry met in the fifth grade when they were both attending public school.

“Be a really good friend, and be the love of his life in every way,” she said

Salem (Massachusetts) Patch readers Ali and Mike met in sixth-grade band class in Pennsylvania.

Decades later, they met again. They were in their 30s and living on the North Shore when they had their first date. It was Dec. 31, 2019.

They fell in love during the pandemic and were married on Feb. 20, 2022.

‘Two Misfits Not Meant To Fall In Love’

Several people met through online dating services.

Bristol-Warren (Rhode Island) Patch Dan and Phyl used dial-up internet services to connect in 2002.

“We were two misfits who weren’t meant to fall in love but fit together perfectly,” Dan said.

“Plan on learning to compromise,” Phyl said. “It can’t always be your way or his way. Maybe you go to the event he wants, but you leave earlier than he intended? Or you choose the restaurant this time; next time you go to the sports bar on game night for him.”

Middletown (New Jersey) Patch readers Lisa and Kevin met on the OKCupid app. They’ve been together for 10 years, eight of them as a married couple.

“We have opposite personalities, so we each bring different strengths to the relationship, which offsets the other’s weaknesses,” Lisa said.

Other couples, like Simsbury (Connecticut) Patch readers Jim and Ann, met on blind dates.

“She was my father’s nurse in the hospital. He fixed us up, and we went out to dinner,” Jim said.

He proposed that night. They didn’t see each other for three months because his job took him out of town, but they made the engagement official on New Year’s Eve.

On Feb. 9, Jim and Ann celebrated their 63rd anniversary.

“We met after a friend of mine called me to say, ‘I have met the man for you,’” said Beverly (Massachusetts) Patch reader Carole.

She and Paul have been married for 36 years.

“Identify areas of conflict and work out a solution before it gets nasty. For example, my husband and I have very different senses of time. He’s always late and I’m early,” Carole said. “So, we agreed that anything that involved my mother and for events like plays, we would arrive a little early. For everything else, like parties, we'd arrive on his schedule.”

Not Just A Rock ’N’ Roll Fantasy

Waupaca (Wisconsin) Patch AM readers Kirk and LA met in 2003 at a place called the Stumble Inn that had live music. Their romance may seem like something that only happens in a rock ’n’ roll fantasy, but it’s the real thing and is “still going strong” after 21 years of marriage.

He was the band’s lead guitar player, and she was on a date with someone else.

“The live music started setting up and the guitar player and I locked eyes. We talked through the entire set break. I told my sisters I met the man I was going to marry. I officially broke up with the date, and the rest is history,” LA said.

Their secret to a happy marriage? “Laugh a lot. Have fun no matter what you are doing. Always show gratitude for your partner,” LA said.

A musician also caught Concord (New Hampshire) Patch reader Karin’s eye.

She and Marcel have been married for 56 years. They met at the Carousel Ballroom in Bedford, New Hampshire. He was 16 and a drummer in the band; she was 14 and attending the concert with a friend.

“Share everything,” Karin said.

The Car Connection

It has been said the American automobile revolutionized courtship, freeing couples from formal “front porch visits” supervised by parents.

Back in the day, driving around without a particular destination in mind was a form of entertainment for teenagers. Gina was in one car with a bunch of her girlfriends, and Pete was with a carload of boys, said Gina, who reads Montville Patch and Mantoloking Patch AM, both in New Jersey.

“We were 17 years old — carefree and relaxed,” Gina recalled. “We ‘high-beamed’ the guys and they pulled over and met us in front of the 7-Eleven in my town. I was immediately drawn to him, and it’s been almost 40 years since then.”

Gina and Pete said honesty, respect, integrity, morals, humility and humor are ingredients for a lasting marriage. “And be best friends,” she added.

Niles-Morton Grove (Illinois) Patch readers John and Sandy met at a friend’s house in March 1986 to work on a 1955 Chevy. They dated on and off for a few years, then became engaged on Dec. 8, 1989. They were married on July 21 of the following year.

Their advice to other couples: “Laugh often, have fun, listen, support, and love one another every day! Work together on the highs and lows in life. Tell each other every day, ‘I love you!’”

Connected In The Cradle

Barnegat-Manhawkin (New Jersey) Patch readers Gary and Nancy met when they were born, he on July 10 and she three days later at the same hospital.

They didn’t make the connection for 17 years. Nancy was working at a bank and Gary’s mother was her boss.

“Everyone said it would never last because we were 18 when we got married, but we proved them wrong,” Nancy said.

They’ve been married for 51 years now, and Gary never tires of this story: “Since we were in the same nursery, he loves to tell people he slept with his wife before we were married.”

The reason their marriage has lasted more than half a century: “Patience,” Nancy said.

‘I Would Marry Him All Over Again’

Massachusetts Patch readers Cindy and Joe have been married for 58 years. They met during the Vietnam War years at a mutual friend’s house when he was home on leave from the Air Force.

“I knew immediately he was the one,” Cindy said. “We wrote letters, and three months later, I knew I was going to marry him.”

Their relationship, like many in those urgent, emotionally fraught times, blossomed quickly. “But I would marry him all over again,” she said.

Mutual respect and care for each other and each other’s families is the core of their relationship, Cindy said.

“Remember the quality of the character and their uniqueness that made you fall in love. Commit and care for each other and your relationship,” she said.

Bay Shore (New York) Patch readers Bill and Marilyn met when they were in the fourth grade, and then again at Gertz Department Store when he was home on leave from the Navy.

“Two months later, I was home again and went to her parents’ home and asked her out on a date,” Bill said. “Sixteen days later, I asked her to marry me. Her reply, ‘I was waiting since last week for that question.”

They were married the following April and will celebrate their 53rd anniversary this year.

“A relationship or marriage is constantly evolving. When a disagreement occurs, never bring it up again. Never sleep in separate rooms due to a disagreement; once it’s over, it’s over,” Bill said. “Treat your partner exactly, if not better than, how you want to be treated. You and your partner should be best friends.”