King of the World

By Sarah Hamaker

Q: My husband stays home with our five-year-old son, and the two of them have developed a very close relationship, which is great in a lot of ways. However, I recently had to be hospitalized for several weeks after a stroke, but have made a full recovery. When I came home, my son has become quite angry and frustrated toward me because he was no longer the center of his father’s attention. How do I handle this?

A: It’s time for a new paradigm in your home, one that should have been accomplished several years ago. But it’s not too late! You need to move your marriage to the center of your family, and remove your son to his rightful place on the edge (but within the circle).

For the first five years of his life, your son occupied the center of your family. That’s way too much responsibility for him, and he needs to be gently removed. Talk to your husband about putting your marriage first. Reduce the time you spend with your son and your husband needs to do likewise (he can use a timer to spend half hour a day playing with your son—the rest of the time, he should do his own thing while your son plays by himself). Children need very little attention from parents to thrive and grow.

When you come home from work, say hello to your son, then send him to his room for 20 minutes or so while you talk with your husband and get dinner on the table. This sends a subtle message that you love him, but that you also have a relationship with your husband that doesn’t include your son.

Of course, your son will not like the change, and his behavior might deteriorate before it gets better. But when he starts acting out his anger or frustration on you, send him to his room for a cool down and put him to bed right after supper. Above all, remember that children are drama kings and queens—everything is magnified when they don’t get their way.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.