Musical Tastes

By Sarah Hamaker

Q: Sometimes, my teenage daughter will listen to music on her iPod that has swearing, such as the F word. At times, she’ll play this music in the car, and I make her turn it off. It bothers me that she has that music on her iPod. Should I make her delete them from her electronic device? She thinks I’m over-reacting, but I’m really uncomfortable with her choice in music.

A: Some things never change, do they? Since time began, there have been clashes between parents and children over musical choices. Sometimes, it’s a matter of musical taste. Sometimes those are legitimate concerns, such as you raise over foul or abusive language in the lyrics.

In this case, you have good reason to object—just don’t expect her to agree with your brilliant logic. For now, you’ll have to content yourself with ruling out specific songs, such as ones containing swear words (make a list) and the objectification of women (again, outline exactly what you mean), or certain artists known for that type of music.

Say that as long as she doesn’t play songs with those words in your home—or have that music reside on her iPod—then she can listen to whatever she wishes. Have her show you the delete songs from both her device and iTunes account. Then do random iPod and iTunes check to make sure of compliance.

Be prepared to level consequences for infractions—the bigger, the better—to make an impression that will hopefully deter her from committing the same song. For example, you could hold all her electronic devices (from computer to iPod to cell phone) hostage for a month on the first time.

Remember that she’s likely to listen to the music on her friends’ devices, but let that go. This is one time for you to choose your stand, and keep your focus on your home.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.