Parenting Basics: “Nipping it in the Bud”

Grandma was right! There is an easy way and a hard way to raise kids. By and large, today’s parents are choosing the hard way. This series of blogs will tackle familiar phrases that used to be commonplace but fell out of favor during the last few decades of the 20th century—and why parents should not be afraid to follow the sentiment expressed in the phrases.

“Nipping it in the bud” comes from the de-budding of plants, when a gardener would pluck off the dead buds. The earlier form was “nip in the bloom,” cited in Henry Chettle’s romance book, Piers Plainnes Seaven Yeres Prentiship, penned in 1595: “Extinguish these fond loues with minds labour, and nip thy affections in the bloome, that they may neuer bee of power to budde.”

To nip something in the bud means to halt something in the early stages. How does that apply to parenting? Very simply, it means that parents will stop potential problems from growing into bigger problems by addressing the first sign of trouble.

By and large, today’s parents have been told not to sweat the small stuff. But what they don’t realize is that ignoring the small stuff only creates an avalanche later.

For example, say 7-year-old Johnny decides to not obey his mother the first time she tells him to pick up his toys. His mother, following the advice not to nitpick on every disobedience, ends up repeating herself three or four times before Johnny does what he’s been told.

The next day, it takes seven or eight times before Johnny will follow through on a task, during which his mother becomes increasingly frustrated with his lack of attention to her instructions. By the end of the week, Johnny’s mother is yelling at her son because by then, Johnny is no longer listening to her at all.

I’m sure most parents have their own examples of how, when some act of disobedience or rebellion or defiance is ignored the first time, it grows into monstrous proportions very quickly. Nipping it in the bud would have largely eliminated that trajectory by addressing the infraction when it was still little and more manageable—for both parent and child.

In the above example, if Johnny’s mother had simply levied consequences on Johnny for not obeying the first time she told him to pick up his toys, she likely would have nipped that misbehavior in the bud and thus avoided a long, drawn out and frustrating experience for both of them.

So the next time you’re tempted to let something slide that you know you should correct in your child, remember that nipping it in the bud will be beneficial for you and your child.

In October, Sarah will be giving a series of talks on The Well-Behaved Child: Discipline that Really Works through the City of Fairfax Parks and Recreation Department. Also in October, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.