Parents: Happier, but More Exhausted

By Sarah Hamaker

If you think you’re tired but happy as a parent, then you’re not alone. A new Pew Research Center analysis of the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS) American Time Use Survey finds that American parents with children say that child-care work is more exhausting than work-for-pay, but more rewarding. You can read the entire analysis here.

American parents with children under age 18 find 62% of their child-care experiences “very meaningful,” compared with 36% of paid work-related activities. They also rate 12% of child-care activities “very tiring,” compared with 5% of paid work-related activities.

For the first time, the BLS time survey asked how parents felt about their lives—and the results show that despite the exhaustion, parents on average report that they are “very happy” in 35% of their child-care activities, compared with 19% of their paid work-related activities. In fact, the happiness level that parents experience during their time caring for children is only slightly lower than it is during their leisure time (41% rated as very happy).

Time with kids also leaves parents feeling a bit less stressed than time at work. Mothers more than fathers tend to feel their housework and leisure activities is very meaningful, but overall, moms feel more tired than fathers.

The survey analysis did not surprising to me, given how different men and women are when it comes to finding satisfaction in housework, for example. I know that there’s a certain amount of, well, pride when I see a gleaming house or a well-cooked meal being enjoyed by my family. On the flip side, I don’t know if many men view a freshly mowed and trimmed lawn with the same feeling (or a perfectly grilled steak, for that matter).

What is troubling is the exhaustion level for women, which I think is a symptom of how society views—or appears to view—mothers as superwomen. We’re expected to work, volunteer at school or other children’s activities, keep house, cook dinner and spend oodles of time with our children—all perfectly, no mistakes.

We set the bar so high that we can’t even see it half the time. Organic snacks for the scout meeting? Check, even if it means running to six stores. Present at each Little League practice and game? Check, even if we have to stay up past midnight to complete that work assignment. Making a complicated Halloween costume? Check, even if we have to ditch a book club meeting.

All that running hither and yon, juggling too many balls for ourselves and our children, would exhaust anyone, but we women think we have to do it all with a smile and wave that says, “Oh, sure, I can handle that.”

So while the good news is that we’re happier are parents, the bad news is that we’re very tired. I encourage you to scale back, do less, have your kids do less, relax more—just step off the merry-go-round of always saying yes and never saying no. Think more long-term than the here-and-now. If you can focus on the future more, you will have an easier time saying no to things in the present—and possibly have a slower-paced life that will leave you happy and rested.

Sarah is writing a book on sibling rivalry, and would love for Patch readers to lend a hand by filling out an online survey at https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/XBH35GF. Thanks!

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.