The Doctor Comes to Call

By Sarah Hamaker

Q: My four-year-old son keeps throwing himself on the ground or onto the couch when he doesn’t get his way or when he’s being sent to his room for another infraction. I calmly—or at least try to be calm about it—tell him that he’ll get hurt and I won’t change my mind about his punishment. But he refuses to get up and do as he’s told. What do I do know?

A: Temper tantrums are never pretty to watch, and a child in the throes of such a tantrum will not listen to reason (no child listens to reason, but that’s the topic of another blog post!). But here’s how to help him gain control of himself.

• Realize that you cannot make him stop throwing himself on the ground when he encounters frustration or has his way thwarted.
• Stop trying to reason with him as to why such actions are harmful to him.
• Bring in The Doctor as part of your disciplinary strategy.

The Doctor is not a real doctor, but a make-believe outside authority parents can bring in to help children obey. While some parents might think it deceitful to use such an imaginary figure, the truth of the matter is that The Doctor is no different from Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. We usually don’t have a problem perpetrating the myth of those characters, so why not something more useful?

Here’s how The Doctor works: When things are calm, you tell your son that The Doctors said that boys who throw themselves on the ground aren’t getting enough sleep. So the next time he has such an episode, he will have to go to bed directly after an early supper. Then walk away. When your son throws a temper tantrum, merely tell him to go to his room. If he doesn’t obey, just walk away and leave him writhing on the floor. Move up dinner to an earlier time, feed him, and tell him to get into his pajamas. He’ll object, but just smile and say, “Doctor’s orders!”

Pop him in bed, turn off the lights, and shut the door. He might have another temper tantrum, but that’s okay. He will soon tire of going to bed early and learn to control himself. Then you can have The Doctor stop making house calls.

If you want to learn more about how to become a more confident parent this year, I have two upcoming seminars: one in-person option if you’re in Northern Virginia and webinars for those farther away. Plus, you can now connect with me via video on Popexpert.com. Visit www.parentcoachnova.com and click on the Classes/Speaking tab for details.

 Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.