The Well-Behaved Child

On a stop for breakfast sandwiches at a convenience store off I-95 in Florida, a clerk commented, “Your children are very well-behaved.” I glanced back at our four children, who milled around the store, talking and looking, but not running or shouting.

“Thank you,” I replied as we paid for our sandwiches and drinks.

“Seriously, we have never seen such good behavior,” insisted another clerk as we thanked them and left.

Strangers on a fairly regular basis compliment us on our children’s good behavior. I share that not to brag about my kids or our parenting skills (truly, that’s not the reason!), but to illustrate a bigger point: Many people have begun to look on children as, well, those who are more out of control than in control. Children who run and shout in a restaurant are more the norm than kids who sit quietly and wait for their food. Children who can’t stay near their mom or dad in a store but instead knock things off the shelf and run into other shoppers are the norm, not the exception.

Fifty years ago, the opposite was the norm: Children were well-behaved in public, and those who acted out on a consistent basis were the exceptions. That’s not to say well-behaved children never misbehaved—that would be impossible—but that children knew how to behave and what was expected by them in public, On the whole, children delivered that expected behavior.

Parents have forgotten that no matter how good a parent you are, your child is still capable, on any given day, of doing something despicable, disgusting and depraved. Parents who know this are less likely to be surprised, shocked or paralyzed from taking action when their child misbehaves. This allows the parent to stop worrying about the why of misbehavior and focus instead on the what-to-do aspect—which means the problem is generally solved long before it morphs into a huge discipline issue.

The fact of the matter is that parents who accept that their children will misbehave will have a more relaxed, happy and playful parenthood than parents who do not. Their children will also be much easier to discipline—and therefore will not need as much discipline.

If all this sounds too good to be true—or too simplistic to really work—come to my seminar in October on “The Well-Behaved Child,” during which I will teach parents how to become calm and confident in their child-rearing. You can free your children from the burden of misbehavior, and have a happier kid and a calmer home in the process. The seminar will teach parents the seven fundamentals of effective discipline and the essential tools every parent needs, plus practical solutions to major behavior problems.

Special offer for Patch readers! Sign up by Oct. 4 for the evening course that runs three consecutive Tuesdays in October (8, 15 and 22) through the City of Fairfax Parks and Recreation Department and receive a free email consultation on a specific behavioral problem or concern. I will provide a confidential and detailed answer and/or solution to your question for free just for signing up for my class. To redeem your free offer, sign up online and then email me your name.

Don’t delay—sign up today and start on your way to having a well-behaved child or children!