Too Many Toys

By Sarah Hamaker

They hide in closets and under dressers. They appear to multiply like rabbits overnight. What are these things? Toys!

With four kids, the number of toys can get out of hand quickly. Even if you curtail the purchase of new toys for special occasions, you are likely overrun with toys. Games, dolls, cars, trucks, blocks, Little People (plus accessories and buildings), and trains have slowly started their march toward complete domination.

But twice a year we fight back with semi-annual purges. Once close to the end of school, right before the start of the birthday “season” in our family and once in late November/early December to prepare for the onslaught of Christmas presents, we hold a family meeting and tell the kids it’s time to reduce the number of toys in our home.

Usually it’s the broken ones that are first tossed in the “leave the house” pile, but then we move on to the unused toys, the ones that had a good life and the ones that never quite fit in.

For toys that still have play value left, we try to find a good home, either through Freecycle if a piece or two is missing or at a local charity, such as Goodwill. A few special ones that they’ve outgrown will go in a box for attic storage, to be brought out for future grandchildren to enjoy. In fact, many of the toys my children now play with had been mine once upon a time.

If you’d like to do your own toy purge, I have a few suggestions to get the buy-in of the kids.

1. Give the kids a heads-up a week or so before the purge date. Don’t spring this on them at the last minute, but talk about it ahead of time. Let them know they need to part with a certain number of toys, such as at least two per child, and give them time to prepare for which items they may want to giveaway.
2. Let them pick the toy, but keep veto power. One summer when my boys and I were purging some of their toys, one son wanted to give away something that I knew he still really liked, so I gently suggested he hang onto it for a bit longer. Kids can get caught up in the purge mentality, so don’t be afraid to put the brakes on if you feel they might truly have “giveaway” regrets over an object.
3. Remind them of why you’re conducting the purge. The fact is you need to make room for new things, and telling kids that can help them keep focused on what they will gain when they giveaway.
4. Practice what you preach. If they see you giving away things on a regular basis, asking them to do so twice a year is going to make more sense to them.
5. Don’t force the removal of a toy. Even if you know for a fact that your child hasn’t played with that SpongeBob figurine for months, if he balks at giving it away, don’t make him. Sometimes in those situations, the object will be given away on the next purge or even find its way into the giveaway bin when you’re not looking.
6. Remember that we develop emotional attachments to things. If you have a child who simply can’t part with anything, try to find out why. Does the child attach special memories to things? If so, perhaps you can take photos of the child with the objects and make a scrap book about it for her to look at. Be creative in hanging onto the memories without hanging on to the things.

Above all, keep in mind that children need to be taught to de-clutter, that it isn’t natural for them. Some do it more easily than others, but most have to be encouraged to downsize. Start your holiday season with less can help you enjoy it more.

This is my last column until after next year, so Merry Christmas to all my readers and a Happy New Year!

Coming in early 2014, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.

Do you have a parenting question you would like to see answered on this blog? Email Sarah with Parenting Question in the subject line. Sign up for Practical Parenting, Sarah’s a free, monthly e-newsletter with commonsense advice on child rearing, by visiting www.parentcoachnova.com and clicking on the newsletter tab.

Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.