What Old Spice Says About Parenting

Do you grab hold of your children or have a loose grip? I thought about this while watching an as-yet-unreleased Old Spice commercial that has gone viral. On the surface, the ad shows teenage sons spraying on Old Spice and leaving the house to meet up with girls. But then the Moms start singing about how the cologne has made their sons grow up too fast.

The creepy part is that these mothers stalk their sons at the beach, in the school cafeteria, in the car, and while watching TV, all the while singing their sorrow. Sure, “Mom Song” is a commercial—I get that—but the fact is many moms (and sons) are likely to identify with this sentiment, that the growing up of our children is not something to be celebrated but to be mourned. Instead of rejoicing that their little boys are branching out on their own, the commercial’s moms are bemoaning that fact. They want very desperately for their boys to once again be only dependent on them. It’s frankly a little creepy to see to what lengths these moms go to not let go.

How can you be a parent who lets go more often than you hold on? Here are the top five ways to parent with open hands and hearts.

1. You step back more than you step forward, using small steps in the beginning, but larger steps as the child ages. This means you don’t jump in to solve every problem for your child, but you let him struggle to figure things out on his own.
2. You think more about your spouse (or yourself, if you’re a single parent) than you do of your children. This helps move the children from being the center of your life and allows them to relax more within the family.
3. You encourage independence in all things—schoolwork (letting the child take ownership of his own homework without parental assistance), social life (letting the child make plans with friends without parental assistance), problem-solving (letting the child come up with solutions, no matter how long it takes, without parental assistance), etc.
4. You refrain from smoothing the child’s path in life, allowing him to fail or succeed on his own two feet. Learning how to deal with failure at a young age can be invaluable, especially since no one’s life is completely free from failure.
5. You develop more interests apart from your children. Get a hobby, take up yoga, volunteer at the local library or learn something new—in other words, stop living entirely for your children and start doing more things for yourself. Make your life seem interesting and exciting to the kids.

Of course, this doesn’t mean you won’t spend time with your kids or enjoy doing things with them. Parenting with open hands and hearts means that you will be able to let go and allow your sons and daughters to soar—or sometimes fall—on their own. You’ll still be the one they run to when they do hit the ground, but you’ll also be the one to rejoice with them when they succeed.

If you want to learn more about how to become a more confident parent this year, I have two upcoming seminars: one in-person option if you’re in Northern Virginia and webinars for those farther away. Plus, you can now connect with me via video on Popexpert.com. Visit www.parentcoachnova.com and click on the Classes/Speaking tab for details.