Zombie Protest March: Tale from the Clifton Haunted Trail

(Editor’s note: In the spirit of Halloween, Patch is publishing a story by Patch reader Zohar Rom, who recently took part in the annual Clifton Haunted Trail.)

By Zohar Rom

A seemingly endless procession of zombies converged on Clifton, Virginia on Saturday for their first-ever protest march. The undead left a foul stench and the occasional toe on the road as they haltingly strode and stumbled toward the town’s Haunted Trail for their meetup.

At first, it was hard to discern the reason for the hordes of corpses, since there were few posters or signs, and most of those were dragged along the ground because the zombies’ arms had atrophied too much to raise them.

Fortunately, I ran into C.J., a former White House Press Secretary—more animated now than when she lived—who explained the reason for the march. “People can eat in public. Why can’t we? Zombies tired of living in shadows, want to come out into light for snacktime.” Then she chomped on this reporter’s bite-resistant suit and the interview was over.

The march lasted for 10 minutes before the zombies got distracted by the people milling about, and they went their separate ways for dinner.

One group of 18 zombies, however, ate together and then took over a section of the Haunted Trail, where they stunned onlookers by initiating a dance party. Keri, the leader of the troupe, explained that they used to be hip-hop dancers on the eMotion Dance Fit team until they died in a pyrotechnics flare-up during a performance.

Perhaps this ancient muscle memory was the reason that the decrepit adult zombies danced with vigor that belied their years, and nine former children performed with even more surges of energy.

You haven’t lived until you’ve seen the undead dance to songs such as the Cuban Shuffle, the Wobble, the Time Warp, and yes, the Dougie. They even dragged some living souls onto the dance grass to join them…briefly.

After that snack, the troupe danced to Michael Jackson’s Thriller with the same crazed, wide-eyed wonder as previous generations of zombies.

In the aftermath of the performance, the left arm of my suit was torn away, and I ran for my life. I don’t know if another march is planned, so it’s best to assume that such an event may happen again.

Warn your friends!

Start a neighborhood watch!

Wear bite-resistant suits!

PHOTO: Zohar Rom/www.ilaughedicried.com