Capitol Hill to become Trump University Campus!

After schooling America on November 8, Trump University is expanding and opening a new campus on Capitol Hill in Washington DC and now all American citizens are considered automatically enrolled in Trump University, fulfilling Trump’s promise that all Americans receive a free education!

The new Capitol Hill campus already has many facilities that will be quickly repurposed and renamed after our new leader. The Library of Congress will become Trump Library. The congressional office buildings will become Trump Administrative Offices and the Supreme Court Building will become the new Trump Lecture Hall.

Trump said he loves the poorly educated and he had already planned to eliminate the Department of Education. He will now replace the DOE with a Trump University curriculum so all Americans will learn about our new world order! Starting immediately, the Pledge of allegiance is no longer just for children and will be recited by all Americans everywhere promptly at 8am every morning to an American Flag with a portrait of President Trump above it.

Trump University has been so popular in Florida that Trump conferred an honorary BS degree to Attorney General Pam Bondi for her studies in Public Service Fraud and he made her headmistress of his transition team after she graduated Summa Cum Laude!

In Florida, the Florida University Division of Trump University is affectionately known as FU. Their last commencement ceremony in Florida was replete with all the pomp and circumstance of a real university with a Giant Trump-orange banner with their logo FU in bold letters and their mascot the Angry Bird with everyone singing the alma mater “So give a cheer for the F and U; Florida...FU!” and saluting with the official Angry Bird salute.

Before enrolling in Trump University’s FU, Attorney General Pam Bondi declared in September 2013 that the Attorney General’s Office would be joining with the New York Attorney General’s Office to pursue an investigation into Trump University. But 4 days later Pam Bondi received a personal check for $25,000 from Donald Trump; enough for a full scholarship to Trump University! Her first assignment in FU Public Service Fraud Studies must have been to learn about ethics violations because she suddenly lost all interest in that investigation into Trump University. And after completing that first assignment, her next assignment in Public Service Fraud Studies was apparently dodging the Florida Commission on Ethics for 16 months.

In fact, Trump University has been so successful in Florida that after realizing that Donald Trump was involved in 3,500 additional lawsuits, the University decided this was a wonderful opportunity to develop these lawsuits into a unique FU curriculum to teach students how the political and judicial process really work in America. The new program will provide a prelaw education for students and be called “Litigation in Education Studies” or LIES for short. It will be housed at the new LIE Academy in the Capitol in Washington DC for the convenience of Congress to be professors. The new academy will be called the Trump FU LIE Academy where students can major in Public Service Fraud with a minor in LIES. Go Trump University...FU!

(satire)