The Thinker vs. The Feeler

There are a lot of personality tests out there that classify people in different ways.  One of the most vivid characterizations is the Thinker versus the Feeler.  If you’re not familiar with these terms, they may not define themselves exactly as you’d assume they would. Thinkers are not more cerebral than Feelers, but they do make decisions based on truth and justice whereas Feelers give more credence to relationships and affirmation. Couples can be all combinations of the Thinker/Feeler.  Any pairing can work, but it’s important to know which one you are, and which one your significant other embodies.

My husband Pete and I are both Feelers.  There’s a lot that’s amazing about that.  We are really in tune with each other; we’re moved by books and films; music gives us goosebumps, and we are great friends because we’re extremely considerate of people’s feelings.  Pete and I both make decisions based on how we feel and how we think that decision will make other people feel.  I would rather overdraw my bank account than hurt my husband, and he’d rather skip dessert for a month than make me cry.  It still happens, don’t get me wrong, but we are both very swayed by our emotions.

While that may sound lovely and romantic, unfortunately, two feelers also amplify each other’s crazy in an astounding way.  Pete and I proofread each other’s e-mail for things like “tone.”  Did I come off too harsh?  Was that e-mail brusque?  Did I sound overly enthusiastic?  What do you think that means?  Feelers cannot hit the shut-off button on stuff like this.  Logic goes out the window, precedent evaporates and feelings rule.  The whole thing intensifies when both of us get involved

Feelers are at their worst when someone is sick or injured.  Feelers are very plugged into their significant other’s health.  That sounds nice, but it’s also a recipe for hypochondria.  If I get the sniffles, pretty soon I’m diagnosing myself with latent tuberculosis and convincing Pete to spend hours as my web surfing, message board reading, partner in delusion.  Thinkers probably shine in these situations.  They allow truth to be their foundation, not worry.  Luckily, Pete and I know ourselves pretty well and can eventually take a step back from our feeling induced freak-outs and discern what’s really going on.

It doesn’t matter if you’re part of a two Feeler, two Thinker, or one of each couple.  All that matters is that you know yourself and the person you love.  Understanding how you both make decisions and what easily sways you will open the blinds on your relationship.  If you happen to be opposites from your significant other in this department, taking the time to understand where the person you love is coming from will save you heartache and stress.  There’s nothing more enlightening than a little self (or spouse) scrutiny!