Health & Fitness
10 Thoughts About Being Present With People in Grief
Some thoughts and tips about being present with people in grief.
It is amazing how ill-prepared we are for death. We don't know how to talk to our friends and family about it. We shy away from comforting people, or we talk to them in a way that does not help them.
Here are some of my thoughts and tips for talking with people in grief.
1. Be present. What does that mean? It means pay attention to what the person in grief needs in the moment.
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2. Check in. That means periodically calling or dropping by if even if it feels uncomfortable. You are letting the person know that you care and are aware of their feelings.
3. Ask questions that are appropriate and specific. An example of this would be, instead of asking, "What can I do for You" ask, "Would it be ok if I dropped off dinner on Tuesday night or is there another night that might work better for you?" "I want to help you with some of your chores, what day can I come over?"
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4. Be silent when your friend or family member needs quiet time.
5. Don't assume. People assume how people are feeling or what they are needing and you may be completely off course to what the person rally wants and needs.
6. Don't give advice: "You should make an effort to get out," or "I know someone that did this and it helped them." This is not really helpful when someone is grieving (most of the time).
7. Don't push people to get better quickly. Grieving has it own rhythm and timing. Pushing people to paraticipate or join in activities too soon, can backfire on the person, making them feel worse.
8. Some cliches don't help. Examples of this would be: "They are in a better place," "There is a reason for this" or "You are strong enough to deal with this." If you stick to "I'm sorry" or "This must be hard for you," that is more helpful for people in grief.
9. Grief is personal, everyone has their own way of handling it. There is no specific way that works for everyone.
10. Just let your love for the person in grief surround them. They will know you are there and that you care for them.
