New Bethwood Patch Mayor Offers Advice to Those in Mourning

Naugatuck, CT - It is hard to believe that it has been almost a year since we lost Prof. Ruth M. Sasso of Naugatuck. She was a respected professor of early childhood education at Naugatuck Valley Community College and a long-time volunteer in the Naugatuck Public Schools. As we approach the first anniversary of her death, I have reached the point in my grief process that I want to thank all of the individuals and businesses that helped make her passing just a bit easier.

First and foremost, I must thank “Aunt Ruth” herself. As a single woman, she had wisely prepared for her death down to the smallest details. Those who knew her would not be surprised that she had dutifully prepared her will, power of attorney, and living will long before her death. She had legally made some of the changes she wished to put into place.

In addition, she had put down in writing the important details that she wanted to have at her funeral, including a special poem about teaching that she wanted me to read. She had named her pallbearers and chosen the family members for the readings, and she even included her resume to aid in the writing of her obituary. She faithfully distributed frequently-updated copies of everything to several trusted family members.

In hindsight, I wish I had encouraged my aunt to consider updating her will after my father, her older brother, passed away. I am sure that she would have wanted to make some specific bequests, especially to the scholarship that had been set up in her name at her beloved community college upon her retirement. I also wish I had added my name to her checking account so that I could have written checks earlier in the years that I had been paying her bills for her.

TIP: Follow the example of Prof. Sasso and write your will well before you think you need to do so. It makes everything that much easier for your heirs and ensures that your final wishes will be followed.

The staff of the Alderson-Ford Funeral Home could not have been more helpful. Not surprisingly, my aunt had prepaid for a significant part of the arrangements, so everything was very easy to put into place. William “Bill” T. Moriarty of Watertown sat with us to set in motion what my aunt had planned and to make some final choices. I was so grateful that Kristin Brickel RN was by my side to take notes, just as she had been throughout our days in the ICU.

Chairman of the Board John Ford, who had lost his wife during the time that Prof. Sasso was in the hospital, was away when my aunt died, but he called me at home to express his condolences. I was so glad that I could offer my condolences on behalf of my aunt, who understood before she died that her dear friend Maureen Ford had passed. John’s son, President/Owner Daniel J. Ford, helped us take care of some details and everyone on the staff took good care of the grieving family members.

TIP: Keep the obituary for the newspaper as short and to the point as possible, because it is very expensive to have them appear in most local papers. I posted the full-length obituary on Naugatuck Patch and it helped me to write the eulogy that I read at the funeral. Contact your local Patch editor if they can help.

My aunt left the choices of the music for the funeral Mass up to my dear cousin Eileen Lagasse and me, and with the addition of a few musicians, everyone agreed that the music was truly beautiful. Sincere thanks to Jeff Bingham, the Office Manager and cantor at St. Vincent Ferrer Roman Catholic Church, for helping us take care of the music in the way we thought was best.

Prof. Sasso did not leave any specific instructions about flowers, so I headed to Terri’s Flower Shop to order them. With the help of the caring staff, I chose some lovely arrangements. Because dragonflies had a special meaning for Kristin and myself, I asked to have one added to the casket spray. When we saw the magnificent spray of spring-colored flowers at the funeral home, we found that several paper dragonflies were a part of the arrangement, allowing many family members to keep one in remembrance of Aunt Ruth.

We received so many compliments on the flowers that I stopped at Terri’s to personally thank them for working with me.

My aunt had frequently called upon Roger Hamelin of Prospect Limo to drive her into New York City for many yearly Broadway shows, thank you events for donors to The Children’s Television Workshop and even to my cousin’s wedding, where Halloween costumes were mandatory. The staff of Prospect Limo sent a flower arrangement to the funeral home that was greatly appreciated by those of us that had accompanied our aunt on her jaunts with her beloved Roger. Prospect Limo has recently been acquired by Gateway Limousine in Waterbury.

Mr. Moriarty recommended Jesse Camille’s as the place to hold the luncheon after the funeral. Larry Erickson and the staff at Jesse’s could not have been more accommodating of our needs and everyone raved about the meal choices that were offered. I have attended innumerable events at this restaurant overlooking the scenic Hop Brook, and I still believe that it was my all-time favorite meal at Jesse’s.

TIP: Don’t hesitate to call Jesse Camille’s to arrange for a Post Funeral Reception. Everything included in the basic lunch buffet is delicious.

I was floored when I visited the cemetery the day after the burial and discovered that Prof. Sasso had already chosen a headstone that was engraved with her name and date of birth. It was one of her final gifts that I did not have to choose a headstone, its design or what the engraving should be. As I read the inscription, I realized that my aunt had not yet been named a professor at NVCC at the time she paid for the burial plot. My former husband and I agreed that because she was so proud of the title and used it consistently, we should add “Prof.” (in the vernacular of the theatre that she loved) “above the title.” The Fords recommended that I contact Burton Monument Shop, Inc. in Waterbury to engrave the date of death and add the professional title of Prof. above her name in a font that matched perfectly what was already there.

TIP: Ask the funeral directors for recommendations of other services that you need for the funeral and beyond.

A few days after the funeral, I stopped at Karmic Inspirations in Middlebury for some inspiration of a gift for Kristin and her mother Helen, a dedicated nurse that had rushed to the hospital to be with my son and me while my aunt died. The first display I saw as I entered the beautiful gift store contained stunning glass dragonflies and I immediately bought one for each of my angels on the earth.

TIP: Check out Karmic Inspirations if you need a special gift for a loved one. Owner Nicki Maiorano is a fourth generation funeral director from Waterbury CT and she and her staff understand your grief. The shop also offers physic readings if you are interested.

After Prof. Sasso’s death, my power of attorney expired and I was appointed to serve as executor of her estate. At the recommendation of her devoted financial planner Joseph Stango, I hired Attorney Charles W. Henry to help me with the task of beginning the probate process. Mr. Stango had advised my aunt on financial matters for many years and she thought of him as a dear friend. Mr. Stango asked me to choose a photo of his long-time client for him to keep to remember her by and he spoke of her passing during his financial report on WATR 1320 shortly after death.

TIP: Ask any professional that worked with your family member for advice about liquidating their investment accounts. I was so relieved that my aunt’s accountant was able to prepare her final tax return.

Henry & Federer, LLP is a group of attorneys with offices on Main Street South in Woodbury. The firm has lawyers specializing in Estate Planning, Trust and Estate Administration, and Residential Real Estate. The established law firm had a representative at the recent Western CT Health and Leisure Fair in Southbury. I am eternally grateful to Virginia Bernardi, a Legal Assistant with Henry & Federer, for our constant email conversations.

TIP: If you are appointed to serve as executor of the estate of a family member, do not hesitate to seek the counsel of an experienced attorney. Although I did accomplish a significant amount of account closings and arranging for refunds of cancelled services on my own, I could never have negotiated the probate process and the liquidation of holdings without the help of the law firm. Much of it can be done via email or the post office. Also, keep in close contact with all of the heirs throughout the time, potentially a year, that it takes to prepare the estate for probate.

The prospect of selling my aunt’s real estate seemed a daunting task, but I always knew the real estate agent that I would call to handle the sale. I had worked with Ken Shove of Caldwell Banker in Oxford in the past and he worked hard until we had a buyer.

TIP: If you are handling the sale of an estate property, you have the option of having your realtor be present during the final walk-through. If the property is a condo, be sure that potential buyers are aware of restrictions on pets made by the condo association if they intend to bring pets along, but do not order the resale package too early. Also, do not be surprised if the lawyers of potential buyers request a letter indicating whether the deceased passed away in the home.

TIP: Do not attempt to clean out the home of the deceased by yourself. Accept all offers of help to accomplish this difficult task and take the time to cry as you sort through the memories.

After the sale of the property where the deceased received their mail, the executor has the option of having US mail forwarded to a convenient address. Proof of your appointment and a simple form is all that is needed.

In Prof. Sasso’s obituary, we expressed our gratitude to the members of the pastoral care department at Waterbury Hospital and her ICU nurses Christine, Jessica, Lauren and Nelson who helped her pass with dignity.

TIP: Avail yourself of the services of the pastoral care department, if not for the dying, then for yourself. Keep in touch with the neighbors of your family member, as they no doubt are worried about them. One of my aunt’s devoted neighbors brought her therapy dog to the cemetery to say goodbye to the collie’s beloved neighbor and to comfort the rest of us.

I never would have made it through the two weeks following my aunt’s death without the unwavering support of my godmother and aunt Peggy Lagasse and my uncle Normand. At a time when their four children needed them more, they treated me like a daughter and did everything they could to help me navigate the beginning of my executrix duties. After they returned to their home in Arizona, they continued to be there for me.

TIP: Lean on other family members as you go through the grief process.

Finally, I need to express my gratitude to all of the family, colleagues and friends that attended the wake and funeral to offer their support. I treasure the guest book in which everyone signed their names, the numerous sympathy cards and flowers that were sent. It meant more than you will ever know.

Nancy Sasso Janis, writing theatre reviews since 2012 as a way to support local venues, posts well over 100 reviews each year. In 2016, her membership in the Connecticut Critics Circle began and her contributions of theatrical reviews, previews, and audition notices are posted not only in the Naugatuck Patch but also on the Patch sites closest to the venue. Follow the reviewer on her Facebook pages Nancy Sasso Janis: Theatre Reviewer and Connecticut Theatre Previews and on Twitter @nancysjanis417 Check out the NEW CCC Facebook page.

Click here to read about Naugatuck Patch Mayor Nancy Sasso Janis.