Insanity

I am so motivated to make changes in my life, to move forward and make a fresh start, yet I find myself stuck, stuck to the point that I keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. How can I make any changes in my life if all I think about is what she did? I am letting her choices that she made to destroy my life become a wall in mine. As much I say I will not let her affect my future, it seems that I am so consumed with all the thoughts of the affair take over my brain. I just want to stop thinking about it, just for a day so I can have a clear mind. I find myself feeling so down about myself for letting this happen. I already accepted to stay married and support him so why do I feel so stuck? Where do I start? How do I get these thoughts out of my head? I have been so dependent on him for so many years and now he is doing everything without me I have got to do this on my own. What am I so afraid of? Maybe I am fooling myself, I know what I want to do but I do not know how to reach my goals today!