Talk With Tracy: Journey to Health With Small Succeses!

Hello everyone!

Thanks to the many people who have read this blog and contacted me to show their support. This is not an easy aspect of my life to share, but I wish I found a brutally honest blog about over-eating and how it feels to take control again through these moments of realization. I am sure they are out there; I just never found them. Even through all the research I did before the Realize Band, everyone spoke of the results, not the journey; not the challenges or the small yet profound self-discoveries. Maybe because it is so personal and looked upon as a character flaw to be overweight in today’s world.

So I will admit it: I am flawed. Poor me. On the flip side, in another life, I would have been the "trophy wife"- ha! Now that is funny!

I have reaped some of the rewards of good health already. I am back playing with my kids; I have found myself not avoiding physical activity, whether it is just doing the laundry or trying to figure out how to play basketball. It is just easier to move! It is easier to be in my own skin. Now I think that it is a great reward, and I hope it will be motivation to keep a healthy lifestyle. Again, I did not truly understand what I was missing (the ability to move freely) until it was gone, and oh, how I have missed it!

Since my last blog post, I got what is called a "fill." I did this only after 4 weeks, because I would get very hungry quite often, and that should not have been happening. Filling the band slightly will restrict the tube that the band creates and keep the food in the upper compartment longer. The result is that food is released slower and held longer in the upper compartment (this is where the nerves are that make you feel full). At the office, the doctor inserts saline into the port for the band. It tightens more, creating a smaller or you can think of it as propping up the top compartment too. The actual procedure is gnarly (how is that for a word?!). It does not hurt, but the doctor spent a little time moving around the needle to find the port. It looked dramatic. Since then, I have been less hungry between meals, and I do get full very quickly. This has made me aware that since I eat so much less, it had better be good quality food. This does not always fit my lifestyle, and this may be my biggest hurdle to date. No longer can I opt to eat what my kids do in a pinch. No pizza, burgers or chips just to be quick and fill me up. I have to learn to bring something for me and make the choice with a clear and conscientious mind.

Restaurants are easy enough. There are a lot of choices, and I do well with that. I have been out to eat several times, and my kids are starting to object to it. I take too long to eat! Ha! My mild-mannered two children protest but are forced to sit and wait for momma! What a great way to torture them! Watch your mom eat slow on healthy food! My challenge with choices are the days in the ballpark, or pool, or playground. They will be difficult for me. I usually have water and non-perishable items in my car, but these items are just snacks for the kids. Thursday night we had a pizza party for baseball. I don’t particularly like pizza so that was a plus, but then I was hungry, with nothing healthy left! So, 6 Doritos and 3 Cheetos later, I was full, but ick! What was I thinking? Isn’t that obvious? I wasn’t thinking! And it is this type of unaware, mindless, just-because-it-is-in-front-of-me choices that helped get in this situation and will help me into malnutrition if it is what I continue to do.

So that will be my next behavior goal: making sure I have better options around all the time, especially when on the go.

TTYS!