Therein Lies

A moment of confession.

Until yesterday, I prided myself on efficiency.

I quickly learned how wrong I was.

Then I was rapidly forced to admit guilt.

My overconfidence brought me to the knees of humility.

And there is absolutely no avenue of denial.

I have lost/misplaced or deleted a password, the mortal sin of a computer advocate.

For the past twenty years I have spoken with hubris and/or arrogance to friends and acquaintances about the need for precision with computer identity.

I meticulously recited the difference between user name, passcode, password, etc.

I lectured without shame about “This is how I did it.”

After a three hour marathon yesterday with Apple, AOL, I CLOUD, and a few other experts, I knew I had forever lost a valuable password.

How did it go astray? Why did I allow it to happen?

Was it before I discovered the joy of a keychain? Or was I naive about settings?

Possibly.

I don’t have a clue how I made this blunder. So outrageous it could not even be termed an error.

And does it matter?

Well, possibly only to me, and maybe because I have been long due a lesson in humility.

It was a password I used for a memoir/cookbook that I hope to update.

Despite searching two keychains on different devices, investigating two settings, and researching old notebooks, the password still remains among the missing.

I wondered if I tossed it aside carelessly four years ago when relocating.

Then I found a neatly typed list hidden in an old leather wallet revealing indeed it was left behind

Obviously, I didn’t think I would need it.

So apparently, I abandoned it.

Were the memories of a fragrant kitchen too painful as I drove away from Massapequa never to return?

I will ever wonder.

The many confident voices that shared three hours with me yesterday finally convinced me the information I need is GONE and not ever to return.

And perhaps that is the essence of my experience. Many other far more important things are gone also.

And perhaps it is time to stop looking back and wishing to reclaim yesterday.

And perhaps honestly admitting I was careless and comprehend therein lies the truth.