Talking To Kids After Florida School Shooting: Tips

OSSINING, NY — Ossining officials offered tips for adults to help the children in their lives come to grips with the latest school shooting Wednesday, when 17 students were killed in Parkland, Florida. Silence is not the best response, said Superintendent Ray Sanchez.

Adults may send a message unintentionally that it's not all right to talk about it, he said.

"This may cause confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of helplessness for a child," he wrote in a letter to the school community. "Children need to hear that it is normal to feel frightened during and after a disaster or traumatic event."

He offered age-appropriate tips for pre-schoolers, elementary-age children and pre-teens and teens.

Here's the text of the letter sent to the school community:

Dear Ossining Families and Community,

I am writing this letter in regards to the tragic event that took place in Parkland, Florida yesterday. Our collective thoughts are with all those affected by yesterday's incomprehensible and horrific act of violence. It is deeply felt by all of us.

This type of event strikes fear in the hearts of every parent/guardian who sends their child to school each day. As school leaders, we want to assure the Ossining community that the safety and well-being of our students and staff is our highest priority. The Ossining Police Department continues to work collaboratively with our staff around issues of safety and security. Together, we are always refining safety and security procedures. We regularly practice emergency drills including lockdown and fire drills with our students. I have absolute confidence in our personnel.

Today, in response to the recent shooting, each school building's SERT (School Emergency Response Team) met to discuss age appropriate ways to support our children. They also discussed ways in which to best support the needs of our staff and families.

At this time, we need to come together as a community to support one another. It is for this reason we ask that you let your child's teacher, counselor or principal know if your child is expressing any concerns regarding the recent events.

Finally, it is important to remind each other that protecting our community requires active participation from everyone. If at any time, anyone in our Ossining community notes anything out of the ordinary, it is imperative that we bring it to the attention of our authorities. Our school district, along with the Ossining Police, takes every threat seriously. "If you see something, say something."

In the remaining days before the break, we will continue to assess and respond to the needs of our students. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me or school personnel. Additionally below please find some information from EAP Consultants, LLC to help you in supporting your child.

Tips for Talking to Children in Trauma
Children are just as affected as adults are by a disaster or traumatic event. Some may be affected even more, but no one realizes it. Without intending to, we, as parents, may send our children a message that it is not all right to talk about the experience. This may cause confusion, self-doubt, and feelings of helplessness for a child. Children need to hear that it is normal to feel frightened during and after a disaster or traumatic event. When you acknowledge and normalize these feelings for your children, it will help them cope with their experience and move on.

Following exposure to a disaster or traumatic event, children are likely to show signs of stress. Signs include sadness and anxiety, outbursts and tantrums, aggressive behavior, a return to earlier behavior that was outgrown, stomachaches and headaches, and an ongoing desire to stay home from school or away from friends. These reactions are normal and usually do not last long. Whether your child is a preschooler, adolescent or somewhere in between, you can help your child by following the suggestions below.

Preschooler
* Stick to regular family routines.
* Make an extra effort to provide comfort and reassurance.
* Avoid unnecessary separations.
* Permit a child to sleep in the parents' room temporarily.
* Encourage expression of feelings and emotions through play, drawing, puppet shows, and storytelling.
* Limit media exposure.
* Develop a safety plan for future incidents.

Elementary-Age Children
* Provide extra attention and consideration.
* Set gentle but firm limits for acting out behavior.
* Listen to a child's repeated telling of his/her trauma experience.
* Encourage expression of thoughts and feelings through conversation and play.
* Provide home chores and rehabilitation activities that are structured, but not too demanding.
* Rehearse safety measures for future incidents.
* Point out kind deeds and the ways in which people helped each other during the disaster or traumatic event.

Preadolescents and Adolescents
* Provide extra attention and consideration.
* Be there to listen to your children, but don't force them to talk about feelings and emotions.
* Encourage discussion of trauma experiences among peers.
* Promote involvement with community recovery work.
* Urge participation in physical activities.
* Encourage resumption of regular social and recreational activities.
* Rehearse family safety measures for future incidents.

Sincerely yours,

Raymond Sanchez

SEE ALSO: Florida School Shooting: Sheriff Says 17 Dead

PHOTO: Alison Shonk, 18, and her mother, Wendy, came from opposite directions on foot to a tearful sidewalk reunion on University Drive as sirens wailed around them Wednesday, Feb. 14, 2018, in Parkland, Florida. / Paul Scicchitano