How do many of today’s parents react to praise-worthy deeds in their offspring? With high fives and fist pumps, of course. After all, that’s how kids honor each other’s achievements. What parent doesn’t want to share in the joy of a job well done with a little hand slapping or knuckle brushing?
I don’t, and neither should you. Wait, hear me out before you drown me in a sea of protests. I’m not saying parents shouldn’t celebrate with their children. We give hugs, pats on the back, a smile and “Well done” to our children, but no high fives or fist bumps between parents and children.
But why? Why shouldn’t we slap some skin with our kids? For one very simple reason: high fives and fist bumps are salutary exchanges given between peers. The very beginning of these exclamations of solidarity took place between those on equal footing with each other—in other words, peers. High schoolers slap high fives in the hallways, football players chest bump after a good play, chess players fist bump after a winning combination of moves. What do these situations have in common? That’s right, they are all between peers.
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Are parents and children on the same playing field? No, because in a home, there needs to be a clearly defined leader (Mom and Dad) in charge of the children. Do CEOs fist bump their secretaries after a particular good job performance? I hardly think so. Do you see professional coaches high fiving players after a winning touchdown or score?
What these coaches and CEOs realize is that to be an effective leader, one can’t be a peer nor do things that only peers do, such as fist bumping and high fiving one another. Effective leaders know that means they will miss out on some of the camaraderie that takes place among peers, but that’s a small price to pay for being that effective leader.
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Leave the fist bumping and high fiving to your children. You’ll find that there will be less confusion as to your leadership role in the process—and you’ll find different ways to express your joy in their achievement.
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