When a Boy Loves a Tutu

Q: Our nearly 4-year-old son really enjoys dressing up in his older sister’s (she’s 6) dress-up clothes. He’ll put on a ballet outfit and prance around our house. He also loves princess movies. Usually, he’s surrounded by girls his age and his sister’s age—not many boys around for him to play with! And he doesn’t really like “boy” toys. He does play with other boys at preschool a few times a week. What approach should we take about this preference for girl stuff?

A: Sixty years ago, parents viewed this type of behavior—young girls as tomboys or young boys playing dress up in frilly clothes—as a stage most children go through, especially if the next-oldest sibling is the opposite sex. They would let the phase play itself out without parental interference.

Today, most parents overreact and start assigning a deeper meaning to what is essentially child’s play. At your son’s age, he idolizes his big sister, which means he wants to do what she’s doing. Since she’s a girly girl, she’s into princesses and pink—and so is he, for now. So take a deep breath and don’t worry. He’ll likely grow out of this sooner than you think.

In the meantime, find some dress up clothes of his own. A fedora hat, a knight costume with helmet and sword, and a superhero cape will enchant him and allow him to play the hero to your daughter’s fantasy games. If he wants to done a tutu and twirl around, let him. My two older children are girls, and my younger two are boys. I have incriminating photos of both younger boys around age 3 wearing a tutu and a huge grin. Nowadays, my boys play more with trains and trucks than dolls and ballet, but they still play make-believe with their sisters, which is very sweet to see.

Please relax and stop worrying about your son playing more like a “girl.” Instead, count your blessings that the pair play so well together. You could buy some “gender neutral” toys for them to share, such as LEGOS or magnetic building blocks, which are good activities for children of both genders.

Coming in early 2014, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth Peritti will speak on Parenting With Love & Leadership in a four-part webinar series. Contact Sarah through her website for more information.

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Sarah Hamaker is a certified Leadership Parenting Coach™ through the Rosemond Leadership Parenting Coach Institute. She’s also a freelance writer and editor. Sarah lives in Fairfax, Va., with her husband and four children. Visit her online at www.parentcoachnova.com and follow her on Twitter @novaparentcoach.